the rollercoaster ride of ups and downs is making me sick .
somethings wrong with him . & idk what :(
i asked was he okay , he said no & he didn't wanna tlk about it .
i told him i loved him , he didn't even say it back .
& somehow im feelin like in the back of my heart ,
it has something to do wit that other girl .
i can't . i can't . i caaant .
i can't handle it anymore .
i can't win .
i can't love him enough .
i can't make him love me the most .
i can't make him wanna be with me .
i can't make him nt wanna be with her .
i can't make him chose .
i can't do shit .
i can walk away tho .
i said i wouldnt tho .
im torn between staying loyal to our love and staying loyal to my heart
.
i wanna walk away & make everything easier for everybody .
make his life easier .
ill break my own heart .
before i fight to try to win & end up losing .
im fenna start crying again .
im in this blind battle ,
im fighting for what's not guaranteed .
i never asked for anything but to be loved back
i never wanted anything in life more than to be loved unconditionally by
someone i was in love with .
i feel like maybe im lookin for love in the wrong places .
how do i know when im choosing the wrong love ?
when i first fell in love with him things were perfect .
why didn't i know i would end up in another love triangle fighting for
my love & my heart?
everyones telling me "youll find the person that's right for yu " .
but he WAS the person that was right for me !
i left my boyfriend bc i felt he loved me more .
he did love me more .
he told me my bf didn't deserve me , & he was right .
he didn't . he wanted to be my hero & sweep me off my feet & he
succeeded .
he stole my heart . and my soul . & my life .
& now im sitting here uneasy . unsure of what's about to happen .
if he's gonna stay in my life or chose to leave .
he said he wasn't letting me go but im scared .
he's not letting me go bc he needs my friendship .
bt he could choose to let go of my heart & that's what means the most to
me .
im tryna be sooo fuckin strong & i feel myself breaking everyday .
one day im uneasy . then i talk to him and he takes it all away .
i fall in love with him over and over again everytime he makes me laugh
.
i remember the reason i fell in love with him . & im reminded everytime
.
i wanna fight for our love .
but how do you fight for something like that ?
love is a two person emotion .
i just want him to know and be sure .
i want him to choose me or her .
i dnt want him to be stuck btwn the two .
i dnt wanna be coldhearted against her feelings but I don't give a
flying FUCK HOW SHE FEELS .
nobody told her to fall in love with someone who was already in love .
now he's stuck .
now he doesn't wanna hurt either of us .
but were all gonna be hurt in the end .
especially me .
ughhhhhhhhhhhh .
i hate this .
how do yu let go of the one person yu love more than damn near yourself
? :'(
i don't wanna give up on us but i feel like ima regret it if i stay & i
end up getting hurt again .
man , im fenna cry like crzy cus the tears is already burnin my eyes and
droppin .
so im fenna leave this alone as of right now .
i love you de`von . gn .
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