a.m. thoughts .

so i can't figure out why i can't hold on to happiness .
im happy for 24 , 36 , 48 hours then POUF .
something fucks it off , and what once made me happy
doesn't even matter anymore .
i talkd about trust last night but in all seriousness .
can u really trust a Single Man to nt do something?
smh .
i don't wanna get into it but
single & in love is NOT a good mix .
its not a settled mix .
you can't ever sit content .
your either over reacting or not caring enough .
idk how im supposed to react .
i cnt be mad cus im not his girl .
but i can't act like i don't care when i do .
its like something your just stuck dealing with by yourself .
because its really a personal problem .
and my DREAMS !
oh them mtfckas . smh .
they're getting tooooo real .
i dream something , i wake up concerned or worried .
i ask to see if my dreams were right , and they are .
my dreams tell me shit i guess i dnt wanna pay attn to in reality .
and i hate it .
i wish i was reaaaally dumb .
or had amnesia .
or could die for a couple days .
i wish i could forget .
and i can't .
i just have to deal .
and idk how to feel .
am i wrong for being mad ? even though i know he's
single ? or am i not wrong for feeling how i feel .
idk how im supposed to feel .
its hard keep faith when u don't know what position your supposed to
play .
i wont never apologize for how i feel . bc its how i feel .
i can't help it . & i can't really apologize for caring either bc that's
where my love is at .
ugh . i just , whatever . fuck it .