i don't know anymore .

im not sure about us .
why ?
because he's not sure .
this love rollercoaster is the worst ,
but ill ride it to the end bc i love him that much .
when i was reading his old blogs yesterday i wanted to cry .
i feel cruel , and stupid .
bc i couldnt see how much he really loved and wanted me when i was stuck
in such a "in love" fantasy with my ex before him .
i feel like i ruined everything we coulda had .
bc i was unsure then , and he's unsure now .
i waited too long to love him the way he wanted to be loved & now im
stuck .
i don't understand how we love each other so much but it isn't working
.
i want it to fucking work !
& i can't really blame anyone but me if it fails .
he said he needs time to hisself frm everyone .
and i can give him that bc i want him to know what he wants .
i need to know , so that i can breathe a little easier .
i just wanna love him and make him happy , that would make me happy .
i wanna be happy .
he said all we do is hurt now in this relationship , bt im nt trying to
.
were just having love pains . . .
im too hopeful .
this could be us falling apart & me holding on so tight im not seeing it
=/
im gonna prayyyyyyy everynight that god brings my love back to me .
i need his lovee , i really do .
he don't know how much it means to me .
we been like bestfriends for damn near a year ,
without him it feels like half my world died .
i can say nobodies ever loved me to the extent he does .
i can feel it , and i want that .
this is my last time crying .
i wasn't even trying to ,
im just mad at myself for taking so long and being so confused at first
that now things btwn us aren't even the same now .
he can have his time . i can respect that .
im just scared of what its gonna reveal .
i cross my fingers & cross my heart .
everythings in god`s hands now .
ima let him do what he fits best .