know your worth .

okay it worked .
so on with my present thoughts .
i been smoking allll weekend trying to keep my thoughts off of things .
i tlked to him a brief moment last night & it didn't even feel like he
wanted to talk to me .
but idk , maybe that was just me .
im getting tired .
i feel like maybe i should just say bye & let him go .
i gotta stop holding on so tight to whts not mine .
they always say know your worth . know you worth .
i always choose to settle bc im comfortable with what makes me happy .
with what im used to making me happy .
i love james . and he's worth me .
but i feel like im in competition for his love now .
I've hurt him in the past but after everything we've been through i
don't feel like i should have to fight to keep it .
i wish people understood how much i love , how hard .
i think its taken for granted .
but what can i really do about it .
at this point i just feel like giving up .
he knows how much i love him . what more can i do .
i can't even show him , i can't even see him .
he wants his space so im giving him that .
and in this space i feel like this is gonna be for tha worst , for me at
least .
i rarely dislike people . i very rarely hate people .
but i haate that girl . i do .
she interrupted my happinesss .
and i can't blame it all on her bc he had just as much to do with it .
but why did she have to fall in love with the man im in love with ?
why did he fall in love with her back?
why do i feel so disrespected .?
im angry . it aint shit i can do about it .
i feel like im losing his love .
he doesn't feel the spark btwn us anymore cus he feels it btwn them .
i can't even try to fix it . & its killing me .
maybe i should just leave him alone and let him be happy with her .
i feel just ughhh , defeated !
some bitch always comes along and steals what i worked so hard to keep
or love .
i can't be mad about zahkeem & his new gf bc i left zahkeem in order to
pursue my love for james .
& i don't regret it . but maybe i fucked up fate .
maybe i was supposed to stay with zahkeem & james was supposed to try
things with his babys mom .
maybe i was selfish trying to figure out who i loved more being
inconsiderate to their feelings .
he hasn't felt our spark . . .
that means since we got back together again in august .
that means he's been unsure for this many months .
that's how i left his heart open to be took .
how did i manage to fuck that up?
i swear i have the worst luck with fucking up the things that make me
happy .
and the fact im always left without being able to fight for what i wanna
keep .
im helpless .
how do i fight for him without pushing him away if he wants space ?
how do i keep his love full and nt lose it to her .
im figuring i should let him go before he chooses who he wants and it
might nt possibly be me .
bc if he should choose her over me again , im literally gonna have a
heart failure and die frm severe heartbreak .
so im just let go now , and if he decides im the girl he wants then ill
be happy . if not , then I've already put my guard up to lessen my
heartbreak .
these are my thoughts at the moment .
maybe they'll change maybe they wont .
i need lovee . i miss it . i want it back , the way i used to have it .
. .

ill be back sooner then later .

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I know this may be one of your venting posts...But I don't think it's not your fault completly it takes two to love,You shouldn't have to fight for your love or anything thats rightfully yours,Don't settle for the situation let it settle for you and if it don't then it's not meant,like you said let it go,don't force the issue if slim loves you like he say you will find out in due time but then again it can be too late (for him)just do you,from what I see way on the outside looking in you got a lot going for yourself,you in school,very loving and caring of others(feelings)smart from the self expressed posts that I've read and oh yeah very and I mean very beautiful,you going get what you need in the future trust that and if not you still going have you wit' cho sexy ass lol sike nah tho'it's not your fault you are not losing just gaining life/love experiences,but whats sad tho' is you probably don't know how many real men will throw there expensive jackets over a puddle of water for you haha!!that may sounds corny but it's real think about it.

p.s you got a good heart thats all that matters win,lose or draw you all ways come out on top.