you know I've heard that almost all my life & i jusst now understand it
were done i guess .
*insert aww`s or handclaps here*
yea , apparantly he figured out todaay that he wants to be with her .
you know his "friend" . yea . right .
why doesn't he wanna be with me anymore ?
i guess " our relationship hasn't been tha same since we got back
together " and " all we been doin is hurtin each other " and " his heart
is tellin him our relationship is never gonna work " .
aint that bout a bitch .
NEVER gonna work ?? it could've . it wouldve .
so yea . whatever . my intuition was correct .
as alllwaaays .
and im mad bc im ALWAYS FUCKN RIGHT !!
can i be proven wrong !?? like damn .
i don't fuckin care anymore .
like im done with boyfriends and heartbreak .
i wouldnt be so affected if it wasn't back to back .
but i guess that's my fault for going frm one relationship into another
but to be completely honest .
the way i felt when he first told me he wanted to be with her .
i wanted to say i hate you .
i don't hate him , but i hated him at that moment .
if he was in front of me i prolly wouldve hit him .
i was that angry .
i just signed off .
we talked and that didn't help .
im mad and confused and hurt .
i took a shower so i could cry in peace & i literally stood in tha same
spot for 30 mins just crying . i couldn't move . i didn't even touch tha
soap til i was already wrinkled .
i never understood what it felt like in those movies when girls just
break down n tha shower crying .
i felt that . i cryed hard , like someone died .
and something did , my heart .
i had soo many questions running thru my mind .
why does this always happen to me ?
what am i doing wrong ?
why can't i be loved the way i love?
wtf is wrong with me !?
likee i hate feelin like this
it happens eveeerytime , and ppl never understand why i act the way i do
, why im so insecure .
its bc im scared of wtf just happened .
its inevitable . and i realized love don't have shit to do with it .
im misunderstood .
i think i misunderstand love . either that or im not being loved right
cus i swear things should've been different .
i try soo hard and have soo much faith in my relationships . id do
anything to make them work .
and i don't mean forcing it .
i wanna be with someone who wants to be with me .
i don't wanna be cheated on , lied to , played , neglected none of that
i just wanna be happy .
and i guessssss that's not meant for me right now .
im soo off love .
im good .
they say don't take your anger out on love .
but fuck that love didn't save me did it .?
yea im young but its unfair to me that im bout to be 21 and never had a
real happy relationship .
i wanna cry again writing this bc i feel so stupid .
like he was so different . he was my friend first and i knew him . he
was perfect for me . . .
i feel bamboozled .
not that he lied about his love bc i know that he does .
but its so unfortunate for my heart , bc after i finallly loved him with
all of me , no loving anyone else .
it gets broke . all of it .
like mann yall don't even understand how i feel .
i told yall i was scared . and he knew that and he fckn assured me not
to be .
smh . right .
now yall see why i dnt believe promises . i no longer hold my breathe
for shit . bc in all of 12 hours his feelins for me changed .
bc i swear when he called and woke me up this morning he wasn't tellin
me none of that shit .
im angry but im not only bc i knew it was gonna happen.
im disappointed bc out of alll people I NEVER EVR EVR EVR EVER thought
he would do me like he just did . i never trusted no nigga wit my heart
or my life the way i did with him .
like im not over exaggerating when i say my heart feels broken . my
chest gets tight and feels like it dropped n my stomach .
i don't even think me and z`s breakup hurt me this bad .
but i don't wanna cry . i gotta be strong for me . cus that's the only
person i got . its just me for now on .
im cool off niggas for a cool min . esp tha sweet jellie . cus after 2
heartbreaks im at mean & heartless .
i warned yall . bt im now in full effect . idgaf .
i just want my career . my car . and my place .
as far as james .
he wants to still be friends BUT
i can't do it .
i keep tryna be his friend , but i can't succeed .
i love him too fuckin much .
he said we started that way so hopefull we can end tha same .
but fck that . we STARTED that way , that was the beginning .
i gave him my heart , and all of me if i could .
i can't backtrack my feelins .
i could try to be his friend but it would just leave me in secret
heartache . & i don't wanna feel that .
i really hope that girl was worth it .
funny 3 days ago he told me she wasn't , but everythings different now
whatever . i hope he's happy .
ill find mines, eventually .