blogger meet tumblr :)

i told you i was comin !



Ask me anything http://formspring.me/jellieeebeaan


do you have any tats or piercings?

yessirrr . 2 piercings : nose & septum . && 4 tattoos : both shoulders , forearm, and foot .

Ask me anything


do u have a bf?

lol , um were not together at the moment . but hes still the love of my life .

Ask me anything


its been awhilee .

i miss you guys !
sorry I've been neglecting my blog , I've jst needed some time to myself
to try to put my life into perspective without whining my way through
lol .
i started school on tha 16th and this is my 2nd week .
i like my classes so far , but ill like them better after i get my other
books right now i only have my math book which is the most important
because i have math monday - friday .
this week im going to start job searching , hopefully i find something
since idont have an open schedule .
I've been focusing on myself a lot lately .
james has been going thru a lot so im allowing him time and space to be
okay .
i miss him so much but i know the best thing i can give him right now is
time .
my love will always be there .
besides that , im jst hoping and praying for everyone to be okay and
prosper in life .
im aiming for higher than a 3.0 this semester and a new job :) i need to
be focused and stay busy so that i don't have time for anything else .
i keep saying tht but i guess its time to be about my shit and follow
through .
ill keep you guys posted .

oh & btw , I've been considering leaving california :) hm. vegas or
phonix . preferably phoenix . any comments?


get it together .

i don't understand life .
its not meant to be understood and i realize that but damn.
i really don't understand anything right now .
i need jesus , seriously .
if i picked one word to describe me right now it'd probably be . . .
d a m a g e d .
that's how i feel . like damaged goods , broken .
I've been trying to fix myself bt it takes time .
I've been trying to let go and move on bt i haven't .
im only human .
i have good days and bad ones .
some moments im happy and others im crying .
I've never been this emotional .
i dnt understand why i cry anymore at this point .
i don't understand why i fight for the wrong things .
i don't understand why i can't get a hold of myself .
i don't know where everyone i love went .
i don't know why i feel like ill never find love this good again.
i don't know what i wanna be in life anymore .
i don't know why its so hard for me to find self happiness .
that's something your born with , where is mines?
i can read it . i know and understand i need to have it .
but somethings holding me back .
i wanna love my life .
but i cnt find anything to love about it ...
is that when yu know your having a rough life?
i wish there was a time limit on when the bad ends and the good begins .
at least a date to look forward to .
anything .
im battling myself . i feel like im trapped . im stuck in this place i
dnt wanna be .
i feel like i lost everything . idk how . all i know is i miss what i
had .
i want everything i don't have and have everything i don't want .
ha , that's ironic .
i pray every night . maybe im not praying correct .
or for the right stuff .
am i the only one that feels like this? i can't be .
it has to be another option besides dying .
it has to be something else that makes me happy .
it has to be something to make this pain go away .
something besides drugs and alcohol , im better than that .
im weak but not that dumb .
i gotta figure out a way to get a hold of myself and get it together .
leave what i don't need behind and move forward to what possibly needs
me .
i hope gods backing me up , i need him .
with that said , im going to finish my hair .
goodnight my loves .