Ive been trying to hold it in. Deal with shit on my own without blogging every other day complaining bt it becoming overwhelming. I have so much on my mind i cant clear it so i jst need to vent... so as yall know ive been tlkin to this new guy for abt 3months now and things are good but whn things get weird or distant i start getting cautious and doubtful. I wanna walk away but i have no real reason to, i guess im jst afraid to get hurt. We really like each other but hes a scorpio and ive nvr had relations with one and hes pretty much everything i dnt like but at the same time its new to me so i do like it. Hes nt really expressive but he has his moments and i love whn he does. Hes blunt n honest which kinna offends me sometimes cus i cnt seperate his seriousness frm his sarcasm but it wrks. These last few days have jst been off tho. We were both callin each other bby for awhile but recently he stopped. I noticed bt havent said anything. We've bumped heads a few times but we good but things still jst feel off. And it could jst be me bc yall kno i overanalyze shit and ruin it cus i cnt relax but it jst erks me. I start thinking wht if things go wrong again. I start to feel like im always falling for the wrong type again. Nt to be cliche bt its the truth. Im in a relationship again thts gonna be complicated for many reasons. And evn tho im in no rush to make it official, tht worries me. I feel like i only like ppl that arent wht i really need. But i love his mind . His drive is so focused. We get along great and i love whn we spend time together bt idk. I guess i jst gotta relax n find out....i told james i ddnt want him in my life anymore. I had got into it with his new gf and nt bc of me bt bc of wht she did but she threw something really disrespectful in my face and it made me reanalyze alot of things. He defended me but of course he stayed with her. Its like deja vu except i dnt want him, or in love with him. I still feel fkd up for telling him tht tho cus its nt really the truth. I would love to keep him in my life bt we still bump heads way too much. I dnt see the point in being friends if we always have to fight to keep or defend the friendship...im sad tho honestly. I miss him being there whn i needed someone to tlk to cus i dnt have tht now...but ill live i guess....my fuckn car broke down yesterday nd idk whts wrong with it so if i cnt afford to fix it ima jst get another one if i can smh. I cnt believe it jst went out on me smh. It ruined my entire weekend. I cnt enjoy my check cus now money is going into tht. I spent 20 on gas in it tht i cnt drive, 7 on some shit tht idk if it wrked and 65 on a fkn tow bck to my apts smfh. Waste of my mtfkn money. Hopefully i get some answers today. My life was getting great. Now its going bck down. I need God to pick me bck up .
1 year ago