nooo moreeee foooood !

hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii everybodyy =]

happy latee thankieess dayy !

imm boredd soo im juss qonna recapp && do some chit chattinn.....

soo -

fer turkeyy dayy i went to my auntie housee in san bernadinoo.

to qet my qrubb onn.

i didnt evenn eat alot , cuhz i was scarfin downn spritess likee i was bout to die of thirstt.

so i only atee one platee ,

thenn i qotta helllllllllllllluhhh sleepy sincee i was movin on 4 hourss of sleep.

[yeaa , i be lwky crackedd out; i have insomniaa.]

lol. so yeaa im jus watchinn tv , talkin shxt , noddin out.

readyy to bloww that placee cuz im tryna qet homee back to myy bbyddy !

cuz i hadnt talked to him since beforee i left && i was missin himm likee crazy !


[yeaa , i knoww im sprunq - whoo qivess a shxt.]

soo yeaa i qet homee eat sommoree talk to myy bbyddy && the homieee.

&&&&thatss all.


borinqq right?

i knowww.

i neededd like a fat ass kushhh bluntt && somee sexx.


bt neither were an optionn since [a] i stopped smokinn.

&& [b] my bf is 40 miless awayy >:O


bt im qood.

im soo exciteddd.

my bbys adoptinq mee cuz my momss sellin me.


so im leavin next weekend to manhattan beachh to qo be hisss :D

tite huh ?

i knoow !

woot woot !

yall knoww what that meannnnss s !!!

[&&no. im not comin back preqo so dont even say it.]


it meansss jelliess qonna be happy as FCK cuz she qet to spend all her timee wit ddy duhh !

so anywhoo moree about thtt laterr.


im tiredd,

bt im boredd,

&& its not time for me to qo to sleep yet so im juss talkin about absolutelyy nadaa,

&&yall tune inn to it likee itss interestinq !

lol !

so thankss if yall readin this shit.

but yeaaa.

thats about it.

i dont havee anythinq interestinq to writee so ill savee yall the time && me the enerqyy.

p e a c e .

myy bombb bummy ass ! on turkeyy day =]


maxxxed out !

noww itss one thinqq to say a whitee bxtchh caint fiqht.
but itss another thinq whenn she can knock a full qrownn niqquh out.
ha !


fat bxtchhesss.

i juss stolee thiss frm somebodyys bloqq.
but qotdamnitt thiss shit is soo funny everybodyy should see it,
lmaaoooo !
i keep playin it over and overr !


dedicatedd to my heart♥.

"heyy lover, heyy lover.....thiss is moree thann a crushhh...."

heyyy babyyyy !
i toldd yuu i'd writee a bloqq for yuu so heree it iss,
i miss yuu :[
i really do.
i made yuu mad earlier ,
not intentionally.
bt i felt the need to tell yuu how i felt about a certain situationn.
&&im confusedd as to if im overexaqqeratinqq or im not.
bt i dont really caree, to be honest.
i just need yuu withh me.
i just dont wanna be blindd in the process becausee love tendss to qet that wayy.
&&yuu do always call me naivee.
am i really? :/
i dont think that i am.
i think im pretty on point.
i knoww how muchh i lovee yuu.
&& what id do for yuu,
&&if thats beinq naiveee.
thenn i quess, i am.

how do i tell yuu how muchh i lovee yuu
without tellinq yuu what ive already told yuu before?
its only one wayy to say I LOVE yU.
&&no matter how many timess i tell yuu,
or i hear it,
i cant hear it or say it enouqhh.
like sayinq it oncee.
isnt enouqhh to
e x p l a i n n
how MUCH
i love you.
i dont think theres even a word.
to describee how i feel or how much i care.
theree arent enouqhh worddss in the worldd,
to tell yuu.
i couldd qo on && onn tryinq to tell yuu,
whichh wouldd really only result in me sayinq the same thinq a million different wayys.

as muchh ass i know yuu lovee meee,
sometimess i feel likee yuu will neverr truelyy knoww,
or understandd how muchh i lovee yuu,
its been heardd beforee,
likee "ohh iLy soo much"
"ill never leavee yuu"
"yuu mean the world to me"
bt in the end , the relationshipp doesnt work.
bt see ,
with mee.
i knoww howw i feel,
&&i knoww that the wordds tht i tell yuu
comee from the bottom of my heart,
i knoww that ive never felt likee this beforee in my lifee &&
i know myy lovee for yuu has no limit.
i knoww that yuu makee me soooo madd sometimess,
&&i knoww that the second after yuu qet mad.
i reqret everythinq i did to make yuu mad.
&&i just wanna make everythinq right.

&&sometimess i qet madd at myself,
becausee, i knoww that i shouldnt let everythinq qo.,
but i hate havinq conflictionn withh yuu,
soo i do whatever i have to, to keep yuu happy,
cuz whenn yer happy, im happy.
bt most of the timee.
i never even have to do that.
becausee yer alwayss the biqqer mann &&
yuu apoloqizee whenn yuu know yer wronq,
&&yuu correct me when im makinq yuu be right.
&&that just showss me how muchh yuu lovee me zahkeem.
cuz i dont knoww too many ppl that would do that.
i cant wait for the dayy we becomee one,
&&qet marriedd. && thee day i findd out im preqnant,
&&yuu qet to watchh me qet fat, lmao.
and talk shit.
i cant wait to spend everyday with yuu,
livinq lifee && beinq happy as a familyy.
i never consideredd qettinq marriedd before i met yuu
cuz i didnt think it was someone i couldd see myself withh for the rest of myy lifee,
but whenn i see yuu,
i see eternityy.
yuu makee me soo happy,
i juss never wanna stop anythinq withh yuu.
i couldd talk too yuu for hourss && hourss && never qet boredd.
juss starinq at yuu makess me smilee,
thinkinq back on memoriess makess me cryy :]
i love yuu ddy.
i do.
i just hopee yuu realizee how muchh &&never let me qoo.
8.31.08 was qods qift to mee.
&&im never qivinq it back.
iLyuu zahkeem.



noww im sayinn doe.
if yuu wasnt a keri hilsonn fann beforee.....
yuu aree now :]
bomb ass bxtchh !
&&i aint evenn qay !
she qot her "like a boy" onn in this video.
but all the eye candyy is sweeeet :]
not too mentionn she tiiqht.
check it !

ohh && the herrinqbonee nailss ! P O P P N N !

keri hilsonn ft/weezy -turninn me onn.


back likee it never left.

soo cooqi was the shhh back in the 90'z.
&&its been aroundd fer a cool onee.
but i never paidd it any mindd.
buuuut., its cominn back inn a major wayy.
i keep seein this pursee && a dress i want in hella music videos !
like wtf !
basic but dumb ass cutee.
peep the purse cost moree than the dress :]


juss onee of thosee dayss....

considerinqq i havee no life what so everr. todayy was pretty fuckinn dryy.
irritatedd once aqainn.
nothinq neww riqhht.??
thats juss sadd.

sooo, anywhoo my dayy startedd...mmmm....ohkayy. around 12ishh. [yeaa i sleep latee who givesuhfck. i qo to sleep late=P] soo after i usedd the bathroomm &&did all tht stuff. i qot on the cpu aka my bessfriendd. unfortunetlyy. lol. checkedd my 'space'. smhh, nothinq but a few dumbass friend requests. i dont need any new friendss. i wantedd to talk to myy bby but he wasnt on aim so i juss qot off. watchedd a lil tv wit my mom &&her husbandd. [dont ask why i dont say stepdad] &&ate some frosted flakes.

by this time its likee 2 somn. my lazyy ass falls BACK asleep. [im backedd upp on hours, i never qet enouqh sleep =/] so i wakee upp around 4 somn, back on the cpu....blahhhhhhhhhhhhh.
omq. lmao. thiss jus sounds borinq typinq thiss so i know yer bored readinq it. lmao.

FASS FORWARd>>>>>>>>

basically im mad cuz i barely talkedd to hubby && he fell asleep on meee>:O &&its not the fact he fell asleep. its the fact he didnt say he was fckinn tired, qod. i was waitinq all dayy to talk to himm && when i finally do its like. hi--byee. that madee my niqht worse than what it already wass.

im qoinq back upp to the bayy after thanksqivinq :]
i qotta qo visit my qrandma && my father.
&&my bay bestiess. imthose qirls !
i'll prolly spend a week out theree.
no reason to stay any lonqer.
my lifee is down heree.
not to mentionnn the bbyddyy is pickinn me upp from the airport :D
wooot wooot.
lookinq forwardd to that !
our 3 monthh anniv. is on the 31st soooo we qotta makee that uppp,
not to mentionnn ALOT of other shxt.
iff yaa knoww what i mean ;]
iLthat boyy.
even tho he pissess me off.

i wannnnaaaa moveee tooo loss anqelesssss>:O
mann i swearr i cant findd a fcknn job out here in the "i.e" to save my lifee,
but i havee a homiee tht workss in la && couldd hook mee upp buut quesss whaaaat??
yep !
i livee 40 fckinn miless awayy in WACK ASS MORENO VALLEY.
i wanna blow this betchhh of the map.
dumbass fckinn cityy i swear.
evenn if i had a job out here i wouldnt wanna live out heree.
i miss the city lifee :]
sheeeit. ima BAY qirll.
i lovee the fass lifee.
yeaaaaahhhhhh [qucci mane voicee]

this shit out here aint cuttin it.
but whatever,
2009 is rollin innnn.

next year is neww beqinninqs.
new place.
new job.
new school.
new thinqs.
new life.

sounds niceee.
lets see if it actually is...........



-- clutteredd.
i need to juss let qo && clear myy mindd.

i inhale thenn exhale.
no difference.
frustrationn settles.
hopee is fadinq.
i need relief.

wheres myy hero?
myy wishh comee truee.?
as usual.

runninqq. runninq. runninq.
wheree am i runninq to?
i havee no ideaa.
but itss awayy fromm heree.


trynaa rideee S classss.

mannnnnnnn i want onee soooo badddddd>:O
anybodyy wanna buy me oneeee :D


dancee. danceee. danceeee.

i lovveeee this sonqqq &&&the videoo is maxxx poppinnn:]

&& ladyy qaqa is wit the bizness!

check her out.



everyonee has emm.
evenn if theyy act likee theyy dont.

i feel likee theree my onlyy setback, lookinq at myself.
i havee soo manyy evenn thouqhh most peoplee dont see themm.
i think it stems from myy childhood. whyy i think so neqativelyy about myself...
whichh is really sadd. becausee in realityy i still shouldnt feel that wayy as an adult.

im insecuree about...
my beauty. my size. my shape. my smile. how i am comparedd to other ppl.
my wholee self imaqee. &&i wishh i wasnt but i amm.
everyonee always tells me im pretty. im not that biq. or i have a pretty smilee..
&&evenn thouqhh it makes me smilee && i appreciate the compliment.
in the back of my mind im thinkinq to myself....what do they see that i dont :/
its so irritatinq. i mean i know im not uqlyy. but i dont think im all tht pretty either.
&&idk whyy.

my bby thinks im "the prettiest qirl on earthh" [his words. not mines] lol. he makes me feel likee idk. im soo fckinn beautiful. he always tells me how pretty i am. &&likee evenn tho it makess me feel so special && lovee him so much moree. i qet mad at myself for not seeinq the same thinq.
lol. he thinks im conceited cuz i takee so many pictures, but in all honestyy i think i take so many pictures to try to convincee myself that I AM pretty. idk.

i think its a constant struqqle for self lovee. evenn thouqh its really somethinq yuu should be bornn &&raised withh. im not knockinq my parents cuz my mom && adults always said i was pretty when i was little but i jus never believed themm. silly mee. mother knows best.

i think its timee to enjoy lovinq myself for me for once tho. stop beinq so blindd && see what other people see. i miqht actually likee it :]



todays;z suchh a better dayy than yesterdayy. evenn tho it startedd off really rouqh! [thanks to my bf]. he ended up makinq it end on a qood note...as usual:]
so i didnt do shxt with myself today. i slept damn near the whole day away. whichh was finee byy me considerinqq i wouldd rather sleep then bee upp and boredd as fuxx. myy cuzos wantedd me to qo out withh themm &&juss when i was bout to qet dressed.. my bf camee into the picturee && i chosee stayinq homee talkinq to him thenn qettinq drunk &&actinq stupidd. myy cuzinn was madd. but whatever. id rather sit home and cupcakee thenn qo out anydayy. call me a homebodyy, i d q a f. ivee donee my sharee of partyinqq. i aint missin shxt.

i talkedd to myy best friendd from the bayarea for the 1st timee in likee 6 months:/ i feel quiltyy cuz i havent been back upp there to visit...in likee a year, mind yuu myy father still lives upp there && i havent seen his ass either. but idc. hes the reason i movedd down here anyways. [i dont feel like elaboratinq] but yeaa. i miss her muchoo && myy other bff nini. them was myy ride or diee bxtchhes. since elementaryy, yuu cant find friends likee them. i never thouqht we would end up not talkinq, but i quess times chanqee and ppl chanqee. yuu cant avoid human naturee. ya knoww.?

its funny tho. i had this weirdd enliqhteninq moment earlier. where i felt like i shouldnt qive two fuxx about shxt. &&inn all honestyy i dont if it has nuthinq to do with mee...lol. so i was likee ohh whatever. kiss myy asssss>:O cuz thats my mentalityy anyways, idgaf what anyone thinks. ima do what i do reqardless. but im jus feelin myself for nooo reasonn. but i felt likee it was timee. cuz i usedd to ALLLWAYS bee feelin myself. but not latelyy. so its about that timee anqelica qets back on her 2-10s;z && starts walkinn :]

i bouncee to myy ownn themee sonq, cuz imm tiiqht likee that. lol.

im soo boredd. im just blabberinq now. lol. i just put myybbyddy to bed likee i do everynitee:]
thats mommas;z baybeee : D we dont need any kids cuz hes myy biqq bby. lol. he be likee i aint no fuckin babyy ima qrown ass man cuhkz! lol. but hes myy bby so i bee likee uhh huuh :]
lol. we supposedd to qet marriedd && havee likee 6 kids. lmaoo. the black bradyy bunchh.
hahahhahaa, i hopee i can spit out 6 kids;z [its qon be some c-sections in there soommeeewheree] lmaoo. mann i lovee myy bbyddy tho. hes my sunliqht. all myy joyy. im happy with himm. id be lost without himm.

love is fckinn crazy. likee a dumbass 4 letter 1 syllable word. packs;z sooo muchh power. so muchh emotion! likee. its soo much moree than just a definition to lovee, its likee a mindframe almost. like lovee takes over everythinq. yer thoughts. the way yuu carry yourself. the way yuu do shxt. the choices yuu makee. the thinqs yuu do. its picks yuu upp. keeps yuu downn. makes yuu lost. finds yuu. its likee everythinq. lmaoo. its touqhh. but i lovee it. id qo throuqhh hell jus to feel qood lovee. its the best feelinq on the planet. incomparable to anythinq elsee....

im donee thoo. im tiredd. im bout to eat && takee my fatass to sleep. lol. nitee yall.


its;z juss LiFE. smhh.

lemme juss takee uhh moment to breathee. beforee i qoo onn and onn about uhh bunchh of shxt yall dont evenn understandd, or better yet cant evenn relatee to.

im irritated. now. later. before. after. today. tomorrow. yesterday. lass week. next week. evry mtfckn day!

i dont knoww whyy. i just am. everythinq irritates me. EVERytHiNG! i never used to be this irritatedd. but im startinq to think im just plainn frustratedd with lifee.

i hatee myy lifee. the situationn im inn. im disappointedd in myself for lettinq myself stoop downn this low. im a fckin lowlifee. && OUT the CUTS thoo!

if yuu kneww anqelica backk in hiqh school yuu wouldd NEVVVVERRRRRR EVERRRRR think that she'd bee 20 years oldd withh no lifee. no job. not in school. just depressed and miserablee.
i havee few friends becausee i let them all qo. && as the days pass i wanna let moree qo. idc anymoree. i spend the majorityy of myy timee withh my cuzinns whichh is finee. but noww i just want spacee. time alonee....that i havee NONE of....

myy onlyy happy aspect to myy lifee...thats actually brinqs joy is the lovee of myy lifee. zahkeem<3. ive talkedd about him previouslyy. but yuu quys could never evenn understand HOW MUCH he means to mee. cuz i dont even understand it. its likee.....sincee hes the onlyy thing that brinqs me happiness...all myy happiness depends onn himm. && i knoww it shouldnt bee that wayy but thats how its becomee.

every little thinq matters to me. and it either brings me upp or brinqs me downn. ive NEVER caredd so muchh about what anyone did. or how they mattered to me. this is new to me. its confusinq. its sadd.

&& i feel likee everyone elsee in my lifee always has somethinq neqativee to sayy about himm.
&&that just pisses me the fuck off. cuz they dont evenn know himm. theyy knoww of himm. nobodyy knows himm like mee. peoplee are juss talkinn shxt cuz thats all theyre qood at. nobodyy wants to see jelliee in lovee and happy. whyy? cuz theyy all miserablee with they fckinn life! && idgaf what anyone has to say about SHXT! i lovee himm to the deathh of mee. if yuu disaqree thenn keep tht shxt pushhinn on some reall ass shxt. i can handlee my own ups && downs. my ownn heart. myy ownn lifee. live yers...

3 simplee ass things wouldd make me happy--

1. employment; ive NEVER been this brokee in my fuckinn lifee.
2. school; i wanna qo baaackkkkk.
3. livee happily w. myy bby; hes myy everythinq. lifee wouldnt be complete w/o himm :/

thesee shouldd be three eassyyyy ass thinqs to accomplishh. especially byy someone of myy standards. but where i fuckinn livee. my situationn. everythinq is fuckinn aqainst me makinn it twicee as hardd.

i movedd frm the bay area to socal to "start over" && so farr startedd on the wronnnnq foot.
i wanna movee againn. but not BACK to the bayy. [i refusee to qo back until i accomplishh what i intended] but i wanna movee awayyyy from where im at. a new place. new things. new oppurtunities. new ppl. new beqinninqs.

i know i can do it. thats a definate, but where i stand now...im discouraqed &&no lonqer even tryinqq. thats just a disappointment to myself.

nobodyy cann fixx myy lifee but mee. but i need that qivenn.
qivee me a new startinq point whichh actually i think mayy be cominq soon....

from theree....one step at a time to be where i wanna be....



im sorry but everytimee i see this fckinn videoo i just.....


i feel this video onn a WHOLE nother level. [mee &&ushh qot the samee bdayyy:D]

im tellinn yuu this videoo is soooo fuckin sexyy.
im re-actinq this wholee videoo withh myy hubby.



meet thee FIRST familyy : D

whooooot woooooooot!
OUR president is B l A C k!!!!!
not that thats the most important thinq. but this is historyy. &&we madee it. the first minorityy to ever takee officee. i meann mahh niqquh. its about timeee.!!
&&who better to fulfill our needs thenn mr. Barack Obama??
cuhkz is sooo sweet&&carinq. sooper intelliqent &&moree than qualifiedd fer the jobb :] &&look at hiss lovee lifee. hiss relationsipp withh his wifee &&kids is beautiful<3>
theyre sooo cuteee.
well anywhoo. even thoo myy votee didnt necessarilyy count cuz his electorial votes hit 270 before california was even counted :-D
i STill MADE uhh D I F F E R E N C E.
i believee inn the chanqee so lets makee shxt happenn.
welcomee to the black housee :]


V O t E E>:O

if yuu havent qot yoo ass upp ndd votedd.


i [b A R A C k]Ed tHEE VOTEEE : D

&&i votedd NO onn prop 8 niqquh >:O

--idgaf what nobodyy qotta sayy. i think that everyonee shouldd have the oppurtunityy to bee in lovee &&embracee marriaqee. shxt. it aint me. whyy cant theyy bee happy too? && ass for teachinq it too our youthh. i dont necessarilyy aqree, but at the samee timee, qayy peoplee arent qoinq anywheree so theyre qonna learn it eventually. its a personal choicee.



smhh. on myy mother was soooo RIDICULOUS!

wtf. as many flippin fuctions there was.
we couldnt fuck withh any.
drove around fuckinn riversidee && waaaack ass moreno valleyy for damn near 5 hours just wastinq qas!!!
not to mentionn i had to qivee this bitchh qass fer basically just siqht seeinq>:O

aint that bout a bxtchh!
but anywhoo. i still hadd funn :)
ummmm. we endedd up wit the cuzos in a room. qettin turnt!
all niterrr. i was off 3 hrs a sleep on saturday! lmaoo.
&&i fuckedd tht jack in the craxk "sampler trio" upppppppppp:D

anywhoo...heres somee random flixx.
[dont mind mee &&cookiee we lwky camera whores :x wee tiight!]

beforee we left:) im cutee huh?

shady they didnt evenn tell a niqquh her bra was out>:O

lol. we werent drunk.

hoodrats! lmaooooo! theyy was trickinn && treatinn! jp!jp! ilyall.

lol. check the top ramen in myy pocket. i was hungryy :]

quess what i was fer halloween??? yeaa niqquh. i was ME! ha!

at winco beinq qhetto. lmao.

fuckk yuu cuhhhhhhhz.


__mann. :-D

i cant evenn tell yall how muchh i lovee him.
likee. i could qo onn && onn && onn about it. but there arent enouqhh words;z to explainn how muchh he means to mee.

yall prolly likee..who da fuckk iss cuhh??
she always talkinn bout [himm].

dont tripp.
ill let yall see himm whenn its timee.

just knoww.
whatever wee qo throughh.
we always end upp back at one.
iLyUU zahkeem.

[checkk it. he said this sonq reminds;z him of us. ha!]