smh .
i can't even get into the drama that greeted me this morning
after i woke up .
im just appauled by the things people do to
try to get their point across .
im my own person .
i have stresses & anxiety .
bt i have no confusion as to what is right
& what is wrong .
i know what i stand behind & what i stand for .
& that wont ever change .
bt besides that .
I've been working on my anxiety
and doing some research bc
its getting really bad lately .
i already have bad nerves where i alwaaaaays
tap my foot or shake my leg .
but now im getting like jitters .
like in a really stressful moment i just start shaking
and get really flushed like im fenna have an anxiety attack .
im too young for this shit .
so I've been doing some research and i read some shit that hit the nail
right on the head for me , this is what it said :
"Chronic worriers can't stand doubt or unpredictabliity. They need to
know with 100 percent certainty what's going to happen. Worring is seen
as a way to predict what the future has in store, a way to prevent
unpleasant surprise and control the outcome. The problem is it doesn't
work.
Thinking about all the things that could go wrong doesn't make life any
more predictable. You may feel safer when your worrying, but its just an
illusion. Focusing on worst case scenarios wont keep bad things from
happening. It will only keep you from enjoying the good things you have
in the present. "
man , that's soooo me !
i worry 24/7 about things that are happening and
wanting them to go right .
i have no control over it
but i want to know everything so i can try to predict what's going to
happen.
and i still always end up in disappointment bc that's something i can't
control .
i need to focus on accepting what's real .
& knowing tht i have no control over things like that .
my anxiety interferes with my life .
my actions & decisions .
my sleep . my focus .
its crazy .
im always worring about "what if this & what if that . . ."
and i have to realize everythings not in my control .
i just have to let god take it and prayy .
& my mom always tells me pray everyday
bt i really only pray when i really need him .
but frm this day forward ima pray everyday .
bc i need his guidance and support .
i guess you have to recognize when your at
your worst to recognize when your at your best .
my emotions are out of wack
but im focused .
im working on it .
i love myself enough to not give up .
i really need james to stay a part of my life for that mental support
hes always given me
but no matter what i think god a find a way to keep him there , together
or not .
it hurts me to not be with him , but
it would hurt me more to be without him .
i love him .
& with that said i feel like i jst became a little bit wiser than i was
yesterday .
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