--what is it that makes;z uss....keep tryinq??

likee....whenn the samee shxt keeps;z happeninq over &&over aqainn. what persuades;z uss to think that it'll chanqee???

is it the trust wee havee for that personn?

the lovee?



sometimes;z havinq hopee leaves;z yuu in disappointment.

perseverencee useless.

i keep tryinq to comee upp withh a resolutionn to this onee issuee.

&&as closee as i qet is nowheree near wheree i wanna be......

i keep beinq persuadedd to tryy.

&&mee on myy ownn wants;z too tryyy moree thann anythinq in the worldd.

but im startinq to feel likee its imposssiblee to qet theree.

--its;z tearinq me downn.

&&breakinq myy heart.

i feel foolishh.

is it mee. or is it not meant to bee?



everyday is somethinq neww.

its eitherr a step forwardd or a stepp back.

i feel likee steppinq off.

all my hopee is just depletinq.

dayy byy dayy.

im an emotional wreck.

whyy tryy if no one elsee is.

i need relief : /


i still want theseee >:O

: D

soo im jus layinn downn lass nitee, watchinq music videos && quess who comes;z onn...

mah bbyddy weezyy && bobby v :]

oohhh yeaaaaaa!
soo the videoo storyy linee couldaa been better....
but weezyy soo muhhfcknn B O M B B B!
especially withh hiss newest additions;z [lip &&eyebrow piercinqs]
i woulda rockedd hiss worldd in them handcuffs! :-X

anywhoo. check it out......


myy niqquh G-O-D :]


theres;z no onee i lovee moree thann qodd.
yuu talk too himm. &&hee qives;z yuu what yuu prayy for.

he blesses;z me everydayy.
iff yuu prayy he miqht bless yuu too.
lordd knows;z a l o t of yall need himm!



real shit.
yuu need himm in your lifee :]



--lifees;z funny yahh knoo. likee for the lonqest i just wantedd to bee lovedd. &&i'vee hadd nothinqq but lovee for other peoplee. &&youu knoww how they say what qoes;z aroundd; comes;z aroundd??

all my lovee camee back. :)

latelyy everyones;z been tellinq me they "lovee me" && likee whether its likee 'inn lovee' lovee or just 'lovee for' .......

i neverr kneww i was so loveablee. likeee this is amazinq but saddd. cuz i cant satisfy everyones;z interest. i lovee these peoplee back

but im onlyy IN lovee with ONEE.
i can onlyy FOCUS on ONEE.
i can onlyy qive MY ALL to ONEE.
&&everyone knows;z who that ONE is.

evenn thouqhh we qo throuqhh our ups;z &&downs;z....thats;z myy heart. hes;z onn a level that cant evenn bee reachedd byy ANYONE [.that isnt himm.] && not sayinq hes;z b e t t e r than anyonee but......
hes;z my everythinq. myy other half. perfectionn embodied. i wouldnt tradee himm for the worldd :/

--idk. this iss just qettinq too complexx for me.
i lovee everyonee. but im matchedd. set. && satisfiedd.


soo i peepedd her looooonqq timee aqo whenn she was in tht outkast "morris brown" sonq, cuz that was myy shxt. lol. but check her out. names;z janelle monae. siqnedd to bad boy wit diddy rudee ass. but shee different, qot her own stylee. && reminds;z me of princee or andre 300o && yuu knoww thts mahh niqquh!! lmaoo.
listenn to her shee tiiqht doe :)




thats;z all i can fuckinn sayy ritee now. im sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo


theyy sayy be careful what yuu look for cuz yuu just miqht findd it.
yeaa. i foundd it.
i found the truthh.

everythinq beforee no lonqer matters;z. i consider it lies.


yall cant evenn feeeel mee doe. im sooooooo madd ritee now. likeee. mannnnn. i just need to typee to relievee all this anqer. i dont know what to believe anymoree. i thouqht i was coo. i thouqht i was.....mann. idc. idc. idc. idc. idc. i can no lonqer caree. im just fedd up too the fullest.

i hateeeeee yuu. sooooo muchhhhh riteeee nowwwww. mannn. i wanna qo mtfckn crazyy cuhh.
likee qoo shoot a feww rounds;z err somnn. real shit. this confirms it. i fcknn hatee people.
i trust NOBODY. i dont believe SHIT outta anybodies mouthh. fuck everyone. ill bee my ownn fuckin lover && friend. cuz peoplee are just a disappointment. im tiredd of beinq honest && lovinq, && qivinq, && i qet playedd for the fuckinn fool >:O

qot mee fuckedd up on sooo manyy levels.
im bashNN everymtfcknnbody!!!! yuu qotta problemm. holler at me.
i aint qivin uhh fuck.
&&thats on my mtfcknn qranny r i p.

try me.

lMAOOOO this niqquhh!

i seen thiss ishh lass nitee hadd me rollinnnnn!
if yuu dont wanna watchh the wholee thinq fast forward to 2:10.
the kitchenn scene is comedyyy.



--lmaoo. woooowwww. peoplee thesee days;z. theyy simplyy amazee mee. likee on somee real shxt thoo. everyonee qet soo cauqht upp in labels;z && theyree own personal fantasyy thann the actual REALITY of thinqs;z. for examplee.....

--qoon/ qoblinn; ect.:: yahhhh. what?? aree thesee niqquhs;z serious tho?? i havee yet to see anybodyy thats;z actually DOIN somee real ruthless ass shxt. thesee niqquhs;z is all talk && no walk. niqquhs;z aint bout shit but tryna out do the NEXT niqquh. smhh. neeexxxxxxxttt!

--mackinn; ::bxtches;z think they a c t u a l l y bee mackinn niqquhs;z thesee days;z. lets;z takee uh moment to ponder............................................................umm no. how is yuu mackinn niqquhs;z if yuu fxckinn all the dudes yuu mackinn??? thats no lonqerr mackinn. think about it.

--ballinn; :: waaaaaaait waaaait. okayy. now moneyy is everyones;z main objectivee. without a doubt. but all these ppl talkinn likee theyy qot moneyy out thee ass.??? yahhh. no. yall mayy havee cash flow. but half yall niqquhs spendinn mommy &&daddys;z cashhh. wheres;z the braqqinq in that?? that isnt a hustle. wtf. &&that brinqs;z mee to that word....

--hustlinn; :: qett theee fuckk outta here. everyones "hustlinn" smhh. woooowww. if yuu aint on yo p's && q'z everydayy tryna qet moneyy byy any means necessaryy...yo ass AINT hustlinn. howw the fuckk yuu sit onn yo ass all dayy askinn somebodyy elsee fer $$$ thenn yuu hustlinn?? ahahahaa.
ohhh kayyy..

im lauqhinn at yall. likee really. peoplee amuse mee.
i dont usee any of thesee terms;z so yess i can talk all the shxt i want about the ppl who do.
im nooo hypocritee :)

suckas;z =P


k e r i HiLSONN.

--hass myy votee HANDS;Z DOWNN. thee bxtchh is badd. [no homo]. but seriouslyy. shes;z pretty. shes;z flyy. she can actually sinq. i relatee to alll her damnn sonqs;z. rihanna titee; but i respect HER freshh :)


"livee yer lifeeeeeee"

--playy on repeat :) its the pushh i need to qet it qoinq.

f r i [e n d] s.

...hass anyonee ever tookenn into account that friend has "end" in it.?? likee literally tho...&& i meann if yerr pretty social yuu knoww by experiencee that friendships;z comee && qo withh the seasonns;z.... ivee hadd sooo manyy damnn friends;z inn myy lifee that havee just vanishedd. whichh is whyy i dont really caree for friends;z now. i know who my truee friends;z aree &&everyonee elsee are just varibles;z.....associates;z.

latelyy ive just qivenn up all toqetherr on friends;z. straiqht upp anti.sociall. lol. likee really tho friends;z aree for conversation, relationn, &&comfort. --theyy dont do NONE of that shit thesee days;z..theyy talk shxt about yuu, spreadd yo bizz, fakee on yuu, leavee yuu hanqinn, put they two cents inn where it aint neededd....just moree irritationn to yo lifestylee...

too sayy yuu couldd live without friendss wouldd be a stretchh cuz i know that i couldnt. but to think they qon bee there for yuu forever is unrealistic. yu qonn constantlyy makee && losee friends;z throuqhout yer lifetimee. whyy stress over the loss of onee?? i feel likee im losinq one of my closest friends;z cuz we bothh qoin throuqh some shxt but as heartless as it sounds;z.....idgaf.

--ppl leavee yer lifee in order to makee room for someone elsee....[i wonder whos;z cominq.....]

fromm sOMETHiN too NOTHiNN...

soo..iff yuu knoww mee personallyy, yuu knoww i likee watchinn weirdd shit, most peoplee myy aqee dont fuck wit...for examplee..the sciencee channel && the discovery channel..lol..

but besideeeeeeeees all that i watchedd this bomb ass movie lass nitee called "FACTORY GiRL" that was based on the lifee of this qirl namedd Edi Sedqewick who becamee the apple of Andy Warhols;z eye in the 60s;z &&basicallyy just fuckedd her wholee lifee off.

shee was bornn an heiress into this richhh ass familyy. her father molestedd her as a childd &&sent her to the mental hospital. after art school she movedd to new york wheree her friendd introducedd her to thee aspirinq andy warhol who jus becamee infatuatedd with thiss chick..evenn tho his ass was a truee fruitcakee..lol.. she ruinedd her lifee over himm. went bankrupt. strunqout onn druqs;z. chosee a sour friendship over true lovee && eventually lost everythinq shee hadd. shee diedd at 28.

likeee herr storyy is so sadd. this bxtchh had the worldd &&she threww it all awayy on a "friendd" that let his jealousyy take over his feelinqs. in all honestyy. i thinkk she was upp theree wit marilyn monroe && audrey hepburnn&& other beauties of her timee. she had a stylee outta this worldd.

the bxtchh wass poppinn' lol. but yeaaa...check this out if yuu come across it : )



dOiNq thee iMPOSSiBlEx.

love. love. love. love. love.

thats;z all i ever think about.


my wholee lifee...all ive ever wantedd was to bee headd over heels;z in lovee withh someonee.

to experiencee mutual lovee to its;z full extent.

&&throuqhout myy lifee i'vee come to the conclusionn that ivee simplyy been

--lookinq for lovee in all the wronq places;z.

that isss..until i met [himm].

i never met anyonee likee himm. ever. literally.

he just walkedd into my lifee outta nowheree.

&&basically snatchedd my heart out my damnn chest.

--q o n e e e.

everythinq about him was perfectionn to me.

&&sheit. everyone knows;z that perfection is nonexistent.

but to mee his imperfections were overshadowed byy all his qood qualities.

ive never, ever, evr, evr, evrrrrrrrr.

been sooo. just infatuatedd with someone.

likee i put myy full attention, time, effort, love, emotion, e v r y t h i n q!

into this relationship...just qavee myself away not evenn thinkinq twicee

about puttinq upp a quard to protect myy heart.

just beinq completely oblivious to the fact if i put all my lovee into this

if anythinq went wronq......id fall flat on myy ass.

&&loww && beholdd what happens;z??????

thinqs;z chanqee out of nowheree.

&& i becomee the personn he loves;z soooo muchh but can no lonqer withstand...

brinqinq myy wholee worldd to justt crashhh &&burnnnnnnn the fuck upp.


i meann i cann tryy && tryy && tryy but likee...

what cann i do if hiss lovee isnt where it usedd to be???

ive criedd soooooooooooo many fuckinn tears;z over this.

&&likee i still cant understandd what the fuck went wronq : /

he;s myy first reall lovee.

ill never stopp lovinq himm.

never stopp carinq about himm.

ill stillll kill &&/orr diee for thiss mann.

&& as muchh as yuu miqht think....

"ohh yyuu hatee him" or "ohhh yer stupidd..."


bitee me.

no one will ever understandd the extent that i lovee himm becausee they not me or himm.

likee...ask yerself.

how do yuu let qo of somethinq that makes;z yer lifee uhh billion times;z better????

yuu dont....


i thouqht i'd jumpp on the bloq bandwaqonn considerinqq i havee nothinq better to doo withh myy free timee &&&& i feel ass thouqh peoplee cann makee usee to myy input : )

i just recentlyy turnedd twentyyyy ;; yayyy meeee! [sarcastic voice.]
myy bdayy was a disasterr &&so is myy lifee.
im discoverinq neww thinqs;z for thee first timee in myy lifee likee...

l o v e e e e<3

unfortunatelyy thats;z a completee worldd of its ownn.
its rockinq mines;z byy farrr.
&&not in the best wayy : /

im juss learninq thiss isshhh.
so afterr i adapt to it.
myy "spot" willl indeed bee "thee spot".
dont doubt it.

i rock soxxx =P

til we meet aqainn; peacee&&lovee pimpinn'..