gosh .

i don't really know what to say .
so much shit be happenin in such a short time its hard to recap .
so ill start with yesterday .
i was home ,
i was good .
then i went down .
i was in a depressed state for several hours .
i don't even wanna get into it .
i need to find myself =/
theeen .
i ended up going to tha club wit my cuzins n homegirls .
it was okaaay , i guess .
i bought my very first drink frm tha bar :D
woop ! woop !
went to tha homegirls house & knocked .
then i woke up , kept havin sad dreams abt james .
then i wake up . and he had aimed me .
but i had been thinking maybe we should stop talking cus i can't let go
of the situation and how i feel .
and that conversation ended up being very long .
in the end , i figured out i need to do some soul searching of my own .
bc i am very unhappy in my own state of mind .
and i lean on other ppl for my happiness which is why i always end up in
disappointment.
i know from yalls point of view , most of you
are prolly like damn he did u like that !
but he's the most beautiful caring person i know .
and he means know harm , i know tht for a fact he's just goin thru a lot
.
but he's always there for me when i need him .
and he's right i need to learn to love me bc i do focus more on other
ppl then myself .
i just need to find out why im so unhappy with life .
cus i know he brings me happiness .
he said some of tha most touching things today .
it gave me a little hope .
and i dnt wanna feel naiive or anything bt
i believe in him still .
yall only get a portion of how things are btwn us .
but i know him . more then what i talk about .
its soo much more then that .
so were gonna take this seperation as a growing experience .
hopefully everything works itself out and comes together .
i love him . & he loves me & that's all that matters .