how did this happen .

how did i let myself fall back so deep .
why does me and my ex not tlking anymore
hurt me jus like it did tha first time .
im so weak .
a sucka for love .
i admit , i nevr stopped loving my ex .
i just found away around it .
this past week of talking to him .
just brought back so many memories .
and even tho i knew we wouldnt get back together
anytime soon , bcus i knoww tht he isnt ready
to do what it takes to get me back .
i guess he didnt .
and i was never tryna lead him on or anything like that
because i do still love him .
maybe not as IN love as i used to be .
bt idnt think my love for him will ever go away .
hes my first love .
even through all tha heartache and pain .
im mad at myself .
for getting caught back up in that fantasy of
being back w. him .
how could i be so stupidd .
i admit that i would give him another
chance if he got his shit together and did jus tha
little things i asked for .
smh
bt instead now hes pushing me away bcus of how i feel about james [refer
below]
when he already knew that we were tlking/ together .
its just like why now .
smh .
i feel so lost .
and i know where i wanna be .
but jus becus i wanna try a neew relationship with someone else .
doesnt meean i dont want him in my life anymore .
i never thought it was possible to love 2 people at tha same time .
but its tha most heartbreaking experience ever .
because i dont know what to expect from either one .
whos to say i even get back wit either one ?
but i love thm both . and i dont wanna let go of either .
but i guess thats a personal problem .
that i have to deal with on my own .