29.6.09

how did this happen .

how did i let myself fall back so deep .
why does me and my ex not tlking anymore
hurt me jus like it did tha first time .
im so weak .
a sucka for love .
i admit , i nevr stopped loving my ex .
i just found away around it .
this past week of talking to him .
just brought back so many memories .
and even tho i knew we wouldnt get back together
anytime soon , bcus i knoww tht he isnt ready
to do what it takes to get me back .
i guess he didnt .
and i was never tryna lead him on or anything like that
because i do still love him .
maybe not as IN love as i used to be .
bt idnt think my love for him will ever go away .
hes my first love .
even through all tha heartache and pain .
im mad at myself .
for getting caught back up in that fantasy of
being back w. him .
how could i be so stupidd .
i admit that i would give him another
chance if he got his shit together and did jus tha
little things i asked for .
smh
bt instead now hes pushing me away bcus of how i feel about james [refer
below]
when he already knew that we were tlking/ together .
its just like why now .
smh .
i feel so lost .
and i know where i wanna be .
but jus becus i wanna try a neew relationship with someone else .
doesnt meean i dont want him in my life anymore .
i never thought it was possible to love 2 people at tha same time .
but its tha most heartbreaking experience ever .
because i dont know what to expect from either one .
whos to say i even get back wit either one ?
but i love thm both . and i dont wanna let go of either .
but i guess thats a personal problem .
that i have to deal with on my own .

3 comments:

E L O W E $ said...

...your in a love triangle.
everything will workout soon

Pretty Tira said...

Im going through that shit now. Just keep your ead and keep moving foward. Youll be ok =)

Qu33n Kam... said...

This is only a decision u can make nobody can really tell u who 2 choose but u but i kno no matter who u choose sumone will get hurt. But all i say is choose the guy u feel will make u the happiest in the long run i wudnt choose ur first love over james by jus wat i kno bout each & i really didnt like the way ur 1st love treated u after yall break up he was actin str8 bitch!! & that aint cute, but i kno wat its like 2 be holdin onto a first love technically i still am 2 mine after 3yrs of bein broken up its hard 2 let go when they are still around...but jus pray about it & honestly they will be the ones 2 show u who u need so pik the one who makes u feel the most alive & urself with.