he haas my heaart :)
so , i `ve posted about him beefoore . bt, yall havent seen him really
i just wanted to taalk about him for a minutee .
even tho yall knoww i likee to blaab .
this is my baby :) jamesss .
no he`s not my bf [ anymoore:( ]
but he has my heart & i have his .
i lovee this man soooooo much !
we started off as friends .
just regulars ones not tha "talking" kind
so we grew to get know each other`s real self very well .
& basically fell for each other over time .
when we first met .
we were both in love , in relationships
we used to help each other and tlk to each other about
our problems . and be there for each other .
and it took a minute before i really started to realize H0W great of a
person he really was .
whenn my ex used to do me dirt , for no real reason
and havee me cryinng . he would tell me like
jelliee why do yu put yourself through that?
you deserve more than that . and i knew it , but becus i was soo in
lovee , and loyal i didnt leave .
it wasnt til we were both single in january that i was
listening to [ lauryn hill- when it hurts so bad ]
& realized angelica ! thats tha nigga yu need ! why yu playin yoself ?
lol . so i brought it to his attn that we could really be great in a
relationship . and he confessed that he liked me from tha day he met me
but we were both n relationships so he didnt say anything .
from that day on it was a constant battle btwn him or my ex .
i kneww i wanted to try a relationship w. him bt i wasnt ready to let go
of my ex even tho he had hurt me soo many times .
thenn one day in marchh , after tha constant bck n forths he finally
confessed he had fell in love w. me .
& i just cried . bcus i felt like this jus made everything more
difficult . either way someone was gonna get hurt . but he continued to
pursue me cus i was waht he wanted .
long stoory short .
we finaally got together in maay .
and now his past caught up to him and he chose to break up .
bcus now isnt tha bess time for him to be in a relationship .
i blame myself sometimes
bcus i feel like maybe if i wouldve
stopped bein a weenie back in january
none of this wouldve happened and we wouldve been happy n a relationship
. smh .
i procrastinated and postponed and now shits all fcked up .
i wanna be wit him soo bad . and i cant .
it hurts me .
cus now im ready to lovee him back tha way he loves me and i caant .
its like everything he went thru at one point wit me . im going thru now
. but i cant fix this situation .
i lovee tha bajeezus outta his litebright ass ! mannn !
yall have no ideaaa . like i can honestly tell yall , theres noooothing
wrong w. him .
hes sweet , charming funny , doesnt like to argue , loving caring
supportive strong , masculine , finee af ! lmaooo mannnn .
and i havent lost him yet .
but im scared to .
he promised i wouldnt bcus he doesnt wanna lose my friendship but like
i dont know how to jus be his friend anymore :-/
i just wanna be happy with him .
i feel like everything i want alwys gets tooken away frm me .
jus bcus i want it sooo bad i cant have it .
and when i couldnt choose what i wanted . it was right there w. my name
on it , smh .
lifess fucked up .
i love him tho .
and i was watchin "why did i get married?" earlier
and i totally related to shiela [jill scott]
cus i felt hw she felt when her husband left her .
then she found tha sheriff .
who loved her for her .
and was happy w. her .
and i realized james is my sheriff .
and he lovess everyyyyything about me
even tha things i dont like :(
when he compliments me ,
sometimes i turn it into puttin myself down n he gets mad like bby why
cant yu ever jus take a compliment ?
and i feel bad cus i been hurt so manytimes im
used to putting myself down or downplaying
myself before anyone else can .
i love him for loving me tha way im supposed to be
and i never wanna let that slip away .
i lovee you james de`von , to death !