2.6.09

happinessDEFERRED .

poor me .
i never catchh any breaks .
i findd happiness & it always findss a way to slip away .
i can`t understand why it never stayss . . .
i want it to :/
im too thruu w. love .
i don`t wanna hear tha wordd , i don`t wanna feel its grasp .
bt , i won`t say fck 'it' , cus its not love`s fault .
im so tiredd of feeling it , then losing it .
im tiredd of hearing ily`s & yu mean tha world to me`s .
when in thee end . .they don`t amount to shit .
im tiredd of being tireddd .

* sigh .

i thought i finally found thaa one .
i know him . there`s nothing wrong w. him .
he is thaa one , matter fact .
so WHY does thaa devil hatee me soo muchh ?
whats thaa issue your wondering ?

hm , someone MIGHT be pregnant . . . .
and no . its not me .
leaving tha bothh of us in a fcked up predicament .
we bothh wanna be w. each other bt this fucks everything up .
i can`t be mad about thaa past but damn .
how do yuu compete w. a bby ?
yuu can`t :(

im hellaa jus . . downnnnn .
he makess me soo happy .
likee why can`t i just havee that ?
why can`t things ever go right ?
i juss wanna lovee & be happy & its impossible .

i keep finding out more & more things tht make me believe [evenn more]
that my ex was lying to me about thaa way he lovedd me ect .
& im sitting heree thanking god that i have someone that D0ES really
lovee me .
& noww i can`t havee that . . . becus of an accident .
smhh . i really jus wanna step off a cliff .

my ex fuckedd up my trust w. niggas & my bf is tha last person i can
trust becus he is like a bestfriend to me . i could trust him w. my
heart . . .bt damn . if i losee him .
im too thru . idgaf anymoree . im donee .
fuck lovee . fuck relationships . fuck sex . fuck a nigga .
[ no im not goin rainboww ] im jus sayinn like fck it .
im too emotional to deal w. this typa shit . forreal .
& its not likee my bby fucked up , cus he didnt .
tha situation is jus fucked up . he keeps apologizing for putting me
thru this but im numb . im so used to being hurt .
but im sad , cus i AM hurt . im srry to say i put my heart into it .
and here we are back AGAIN , on heartbreak blvd . . .singing thaa
sameeee sad ass love songs .

ughhhhhhh . idk man . i jus don`t know . i guess its just not meant for
me to be happy w. someone i lovee . . .
lovee just D0NT lovee mee :/

3 comments:

t.t. stacey said...

Aww, well don't stress yet, there's no use in stressing over a "maybe" pregnancy, wait until it's confirmed. And even if it is, they say you have to go through the bad times to appreciate the good ones so keep your head up mama because what is meant to be will be and if you're meant to be with this person you will be with this person eventually, baby or no baby.

&So it Goes On Viva La Dame said...

Just Remember this dat the best things in life are the things we have to work the hardest to keep or to gain.everything has a hardship to it the way we deal with it is when we will see the beauty in it even when it was ugly....Yu help Me in one of ya post way back i thought i give yu sume input from me..*Wat Dnt Kill Yu Makes Yu Stronger*

Qu33n Kam... said...

i had similar situation before where a guy i was gettin close 2 had a baby on the way and didnt tell me at first in the beginning becuz he didnt know how i wud react and at first i was feeling the way u felt confused but he assured me that things wudnt change but my biggest fear was that he wud wana be with his baby mama and try and make a family and thats what happened. But he had a long history with that girl compared to me and him. I guess what im tryin to tell u is that it can happen but the only thing i wud advise u to do is to evaluate the relationship he has with the girl see how 2gether they were b4 u and then evaluate the relationship with him and he will choose the one he feels will be the best for him. all im saying is hope isn't over for u two if he really is feelin u he will be with u he needs 2 jus see that this shit aint a game and he cant play with ur emotions or his. If he is a real man he will take care of his kid regardless and that shouldnt interfered with yall's relationship. So lets jus hope he has no feeling for the girl cuz if he does im sorry 2 say he will choose her especially when the baby starts comin closer and closer to being born..but hang in there and kno ur not alone on ur feelings cuz im at the same point with love and niggas