is it just me or do i look like im in pain lol . my face says all my emotions without me ever expressing them . probably why my mom always knows when im up and when im down . . . im in my antisocial mood . just doing a lot of thinking . when i don't have anything to do or no one to talk to yu , all i do is blog but im not mad , i been neglecting my blog anyways . 224 followers yet i feel like no one even reads what i say anymore . i guess people are too lazy or don't care enough to comment anymore . .that was the best part of blogging was reading peoples comments that related and let yu know you weren't the only person feeling like that . its cool tho , shit i don't expect people to relate or understand my life . its mine . im kind of in a withdrawal . im trying to detach myself from my emotions so i can focus on the big picture . but im still lost . trying to understand the purpose of love . im starting to think love is just a theory that's introduced to us at a young age and we tend to make up what its like in our own minds . how does something captivate you and your emotions so much that you'd die for it? can't live without it? its really how i feel tho . from 19 to 21 I've been battling relationships and love . and now that I've finally found REAL love . .im defeated . i found out what my weakness is . . and its being in love . but not just love , its also the person im in love with , i can't believe i found my happiness in him . with him . from him , whatever it is , he does it . i was depressed before i met him and he brought me out of that state of mind to a point where im happy to wake up every morning . happy to live . and without him i dwindle back into sadness and depression . it probably has to do with the fact im always alone . but lonliness isn't so bad when you know its always someone there to comfort you . i have people to talk to , people i could kick it with but if those aren't the people you wanna be with or around then its not enjoying . i like people . but i just don't like peoples ways . i don't trust them . everyones sneaky . conniving . fake . pretending . i hate finding out shit about people , its disappointing . that's why im satisfied being my own best friend . my boyf is the only person i fully trust , i tell him everything . my hopes , dreams , wants , emotions , things that scare me , hurt me . its hard to think about losing someone you just shared your whole world with . if he's gone , who is there? its hard to satisfy yourself . i can't give myself answers to my own questions . reasons for my own unreasoning . im annoyed right now . i need my boyf . i miss him . *sigh* i need him to make me laugh right now . im so fucking doooowwnnnnn . i hate feeling like this . i wanna just drive and go get him . just to spend time and stare at him and smile . im running out of thoughts . . well actually they're being interrupted by people complaining . ill be back sooner than later .