14.1.10

reclusion .

is it just me or do i look like im in pain lol .
my face says all my emotions without me ever expressing them .
probably why my mom always knows when im up and when im down . . .
im in my antisocial mood . just doing a lot of thinking .
when i don't have anything to do or no one to talk to yu , all i do is
blog but im not mad , i been neglecting my blog anyways .
224 followers yet i feel like no one even reads what i say anymore . i
guess people are too lazy or don't care enough to comment anymore .
.that was the best part of blogging was reading peoples comments that
related and let yu know you weren't the only person feeling like that .
its cool tho , shit i don't expect people to relate or understand my
life . its mine .
im kind of in a withdrawal . im trying to detach myself from my emotions
so i can focus on the big picture .
but im still lost .
trying to understand the purpose of love . im starting to think love is
just a theory that's introduced to us at a young age and we tend to make
up what its like in our own minds . how does something captivate you and
your emotions so much that you'd die for it? can't live without it?
its really how i feel tho .
from 19 to 21 I've been battling relationships and love . and now that
I've finally found REAL love . .im defeated .
i found out what my weakness is . . and its being in love .
but not just love , its also the person im in love with , i can't
believe i found my happiness in him . with him . from him , whatever it
is , he does it .
i was depressed before i met him and he brought me out of that state of
mind to a point where im happy to wake up every morning . happy to live
. and without him i dwindle back into sadness and depression .
it probably has to do with the fact im always alone .
but lonliness isn't so bad when you know its always someone there to
comfort you .
i have people to talk to , people i could kick it with but if those
aren't the people you wanna be with or around then its not enjoying .
i like people . but i just don't like peoples ways . i don't trust them
. everyones sneaky . conniving . fake . pretending . i hate finding out
shit about people , its disappointing . that's why im satisfied being my
own best friend . my boyf is the only person i fully trust , i tell him
everything . my hopes , dreams , wants , emotions , things that scare me
, hurt me .
its hard to think about losing someone you just shared your whole world
with . if he's gone , who is there? its hard to satisfy yourself . i
can't give myself answers to my own questions . reasons for my own
unreasoning .
im annoyed right now .
i need my boyf . i miss him .
*sigh*
i need him to make me laugh right now .
im so fucking doooowwnnnnn . i hate feeling like this .
i wanna just drive and go get him . just to spend time and stare at him
and smile .
im running out of thoughts . . well actually they're being interrupted
by people complaining .
ill be back sooner than later .

1 comment:

&So it Goes On Viva La Dame said...

I Read Your Blogs.. Nd It's Like Im Lookin at Myself.. You express Ya Self More Than i Do.. By Writin It out.. I Can't. betta yet i Dnt Know How To.... It's Kinda A Breath a Fresh Air To Know That How im Feelin.I'm Not alone With It... Just know that im readin. nd your teachin me...