2am .

i just woke up .
probably bc i forced myself to fall asleep .
i made him mad .
i didn't mean to . bt i guess thts how it goes .
he told me i should let go .
i was offended .
why?
we been thru so much together and yu want me to let go ??
yu cnt get over yo ex but im supposed to let go ?
did yu tell tht bitch to let go ?!
smh .
i don't wanna let go .
but when i finally said to myself "angelica just let go if its what he
wants" and i tell him ima let go , he says "i guess and to do what i
gotta do ."
wtf .
he gon get mad cus i was gon do what he asked me to ?
i don't know what he wants anymore .
he doesn't either .
he told me to stop , not to ask him anything else and the way i felt
when he said it scared me .
i just stopped .
i didn't say anything else . the convo was over . i turned over and went
to sleep .
i know he don't want me to let go . why would he ?
but he's tired of hurting me . he told me i deserve better than him and
yeaa , but so what .
he's only 20 , he's still young he's gonna fuck up .
i expect that . why would i give up on someone who i love and i know
loves me back to take chances finding someone else ? i don't wanna lose
what we have mentally .
its powerful .
i want that .
but i don't even have any words for him . he said he needed 2 days . he
can have more than that .
what's a couple more days in pain .
im accustomed to this feeling now .
i woke up and got slapped wit pain .
my stomach feels like its about burst .
im not full .
and this is beyond hunger .
i can't move so ima just lay here til it fades and i can sleep again .
i woke up wanting to apologize like i normally do .
bt i always simp up first . but thts ok bc i be needing to get it off my
chest .
at this point i hear me sounding like broken records
i can't love him anymore than i already do .
i have nothing more to give .
so if my all isn't enough i guess im fucked .
if we don't get married . or have kids then i guess i wont .
bc i cnt see anybody else being a better father . i don't wanna deal
with anybody else another 20 years . i don't wanna give myself away to
anybody else .
i know that for a fact .
im upset that god made someone so perfect but gave us so many hurdles .
he's breaking us .
or maybe that's not even him .
but letting go of life seems so much more peaceful .
but i haven't decided if breaking their hearts for tha rest of my loved
ones lives is worth my own satisfaction .
its pretty selfish . but we livin for ourselves anyways .
ill ponder this for the next couple days .
if i dnt post for awhile you know what i chose .