january15th.

was full of excitement .
and not tha good kind .
woke up , texted my babe to say gd morning and ily .
his cousin replied and said he left to his sisters .
i could tell he was mad , and i aked what was wrng and basically he said
to ask james bt i asked him anyways cus i knew i wasn't gon tlk to james
for awhile .
he said they got into over some bs abt tht "girl" that james almost left
me for a few months ago .
in my head im like he still tlk to her?
so iwas like he still tlks to her?
his cousin agreed and so i was like oh yep . that's wassup .
so then 15 mins past and im mad af . like wtf !
so i was like um can yu txt yo sis and ask james to call me plz .
so he was like he here now .
so he calls me like wassup . but i didn't wanna come at him foul cus
that's not how i am so i asked him like why yu and b b mad ?
he was like over some bs ect ect .
so we got down to me askin him if he still tlks to tha girl .
he said not like that .
blah .
fasssst forward .
he admitted he still loves her .
i went numb for about 30 mins .
i already knew he did but knowing how good we are i didn't wanna fuck up
how good we been .
facing reality was the hardest slap in the face .
my heart felt heavy . i just went blank . i jus layed there .
i couldn't reply . at a loss for words . i just cried .
then i stopped . cus fuck that im not fenna deal with tht no more .
i told him to choose . cus i i swear to god , i don't hate nobody but
fuckkkkkkk i dislike that girl with a passsion .
just soo disrespectful ! like wtf . i cnt even get into my reasons why.
but jus know she's foul & i don't like her .
if that's who he wanna be wit then fine be with her but don't drag me
thru this heartbreak again , yu feel me .
but he made his choice .
me . i had my fingers crossed. i had hope in us . i can tell his love is
back for me but idnt like to convince myself of anything anymore .
that's how yu get dissappointed . i ask , and go oon answers . but even
answers change so what tf so yu have?
i don't want our relationship to change . i don't wanna trip all the
time , i don't wanna become annoying . i don't want him to get tired of
me .
i feel like im ruining it trying to save it . .
then its gonna be my fault if it fucks up and i have to deal with it .
im worried . i feel like im getting insecure mann .
i don't wanna be insecure man . im tryna get over my last insecurites .
smh .
i think its best to just leave him alone and give him some space and
hope he starts to miss me . or maybe its cus i just started my menstrual
and i been super emo frm it .
i think . . .
we jus been bumpin heads cus we miss each other .
yu know how like yu and yo nigga don't see each other for awhile and
yall both grouchy and all you do is fuss and fight then yu see each
other and yall just feel good again . yu fuck and it all makes up . lol
.
i think we jus need to feel each other . i hope that's what it is :-/
we gon be good tho . i think as long as we have the same goals and our
♥ stays in tha same place , we'll be strate .
after a bunch of contemplation i realized how hard a relationship really
is , but its about understanding each other and growing . and working at
it .
sometimes im good . and sometimes i get upset .
and sometimes i get jealous , but damn , im only human .
i wanna be the best girlfriend i can be , but its hard when you tryna
please someone else without neglecting yourself and how yu feel too .
but im learning to compromise . .
i love him . the good , tha bad , the ugly .
we gon laugh , talk , fuss , fight , play and miss each other and get
tired of each other but shit at the end of the day we always gon say i
love you . . .