the end .

we broke up again .
i don't even feel anything .
i guess since i knew it was gonna happen it doesn't hurt so bad .
i haven't even ate today .
and i would like to but my stomach isn't right .
i threw up in tha shower .
i know its stress bc my stomach burns .
i dnt feel stressed bt i know tht deep down inside im in pain . it hurts
to be let down so many times by the one yu love even tho your told over
and over how this times gonna be different .
"im not gonna give up when things get hard"
but things get hard .
and he gives up .
not on us , but on our relationship for the moment .
i go thru what i go thru but i dnt feel like i wanna give up on our
relationship bc we have problems .
i assume he gets overwhelmed with trying to handle everything .
he says i don't understand . but id like to .
he said he's nt happy with hisself .
shit neither am i , but he makes me happy .
maybe i don't make him happy enough .
i feel so empty .
not as maxed out as i normally am when we break up .
but i don't feel anything .
i don't even know what to say . how to act . what to think . how to feel
. . .
i just feel all alone .
i don't have friends . i don't have a bf .
people don't understand me .
and i dnt know if i really want them too .
i don't need anyone being judgemental about my life and how i feel .
i can't help how i feel and i don't feel bad about it .
you either respect it or you don't .
i hope my kids never feel this way .
i want them to have a great happy childhood .
a happy life .
im really tired .
i feel like im fenna pull myself away from everybody .
im tired of always giving my all and that's not good enough .
i hope james can pull hisself away frm his ex bc i really feel him
losing my heart if he can't .
i don't want him to lose me . i don't wanna lose him either .
i feel like it'll all be worth it in the end when were finally together
.
i don't wanna feel like all this was a waste of time bc we have soo much
love for each other . so i guess its impossible to be a waste . but i
want us to be successful thru the struggles . i been beside him thru
everything . and im still beside him. i just don't know where to stand .