26.2.09

a vacation . . .

. . .is waaaaaay overdue !

sheeshh .
i swear ive never been this easily irritated or impatient .
lately, shit jus been rubbinn me the wrong way .
little thingss too .
i jus be sittinn theree breathinn all hard n shit , trynaa calm my nerves .
lol .
thats sooo not like me !
im the most calm , nonchalant , not caring person i know of !
im assuming im jus overdue for a vacation .
im trapped in a box with the same issues constantly circulating && constantly facing me .
it getss frustrating .
i' ve never seen myself as selfish or a brat .
cus im not .
bt , lately ive noticedd i get mad off little shit
cus ppl wont do what i ask .
lol .
thats unusual !!!!
how tf did i get this way ??

idk , dont really care .
i dont care about alotta shit anymoree .
everything is 'ohhhhh wellll '.
shit .
im focused .
i gotta get ma shit back together .
&& soon , cus if i dont
ima losee my damnn mind !
i be feelinn like borderline spazzin out .
lol .
i needa punchin bag or somn .
i felt like whoopin somebodyss ass today cus i was mad .
&& im not even the fighting type ! lmaoo .
shit , this environment is reflecting negatively on my goodness .
i need a getawayy so i can jus . . . clear my mind .
i miss good times , && laughing , && hugging , && kissing && feeling loved .
i jus dont get any of that anymore .

the homie was jus tellin me today how he feels lonely ,
cus he not talkinn to no females right now .
&& i could kinda relate , i know how he feels cus ,
i used to be the same way .
im not AS lonely anymoree cus i have someone to talk to
and to comfort me , someone to love me bt im still lonely in ways , physically i guess .
i've jus totally blocked it out so i dont think about it .

i lwky feel like im becoming bitter ,
&& i DO NOT wanna be bitter .
i lovee laughing && loving .
bt im tiredd of trying bt not getting
what i should in return .
&& most people would look for it elsewhere .
bt , i dont even feel like doing that ,
im avoiding meeting new people .
i dont feel like doing that whole --
im this && im that , what are yuu into
get to know each other bullshit .
i dont wanna share myself with anyone else .
i dont wanna learn anybody actions && thought process .
i deal with enough as is .

**sigh . [ rolls eyes ] smh .
my lifee right now is jus annoying to me .
&& suree i can make it funn or w.e. if i wanted ,
bt on the contrary , i dont want that .
i just wanna find a dumb job && stay busy .
i dont even wanna have time to worry about what
other ppl are doing .
i jus wanna get back to doing me .

2 comments:

Miss.Fortune said...

ur just like me!
STUBBORN!
sometimes what we WANT isnt what we NEED
sometimes switchin up our shit makes us realize a whole other side we never knew existed!

girl..i was heading n the lane of depression..had to start cuttin ppl out of my circle..it felt like weights were being lifted off..

then i had to let my relationship go cuz i was so used to being n a relationship i didnt know how to depend only on me..didnt know how it felt to miss someone..now i do but im so focused on me and my life that cant nothing stop me right now!
its so unhealthy to go backwards...

but only u can realize it..

my mind is at sooooo much peace...
sometimes we let our emotions cloud our better judgement..its hard but u gotta get that cloud from off of u

mimi said...

wow cuhz i feel the same fkn wayy i jus didnt know how to put that shit in words. man shit is a trip tho and you jus gotta be like fucc it and move on even tho thats not what you want to do and cant trip over spilt milk and shit cuhz it already happen and you aint got no control over what people do or feel. but jus do you