a vacation . . .

. . .is waaaaaay overdue !

sheeshh .
i swear ive never been this easily irritated or impatient .
lately, shit jus been rubbinn me the wrong way .
little thingss too .
i jus be sittinn theree breathinn all hard n shit , trynaa calm my nerves .
lol .
thats sooo not like me !
im the most calm , nonchalant , not caring person i know of !
im assuming im jus overdue for a vacation .
im trapped in a box with the same issues constantly circulating && constantly facing me .
it getss frustrating .
i' ve never seen myself as selfish or a brat .
cus im not .
bt , lately ive noticedd i get mad off little shit
cus ppl wont do what i ask .
lol .
thats unusual !!!!
how tf did i get this way ??

idk , dont really care .
i dont care about alotta shit anymoree .
everything is 'ohhhhh wellll '.
shit .
im focused .
i gotta get ma shit back together .
&& soon , cus if i dont
ima losee my damnn mind !
i be feelinn like borderline spazzin out .
lol .
i needa punchin bag or somn .
i felt like whoopin somebodyss ass today cus i was mad .
&& im not even the fighting type ! lmaoo .
shit , this environment is reflecting negatively on my goodness .
i need a getawayy so i can jus . . . clear my mind .
i miss good times , && laughing , && hugging , && kissing && feeling loved .
i jus dont get any of that anymore .

the homie was jus tellin me today how he feels lonely ,
cus he not talkinn to no females right now .
&& i could kinda relate , i know how he feels cus ,
i used to be the same way .
im not AS lonely anymoree cus i have someone to talk to
and to comfort me , someone to love me bt im still lonely in ways , physically i guess .
i've jus totally blocked it out so i dont think about it .

i lwky feel like im becoming bitter ,
&& i DO NOT wanna be bitter .
i lovee laughing && loving .
bt im tiredd of trying bt not getting
what i should in return .
&& most people would look for it elsewhere .
bt , i dont even feel like doing that ,
im avoiding meeting new people .
i dont feel like doing that whole --
im this && im that , what are yuu into
get to know each other bullshit .
i dont wanna share myself with anyone else .
i dont wanna learn anybody actions && thought process .
i deal with enough as is .

**sigh . [ rolls eyes ] smh .
my lifee right now is jus annoying to me .
&& suree i can make it funn or w.e. if i wanted ,
bt on the contrary , i dont want that .
i just wanna find a dumb job && stay busy .
i dont even wanna have time to worry about what
other ppl are doing .
i jus wanna get back to doing me .