time out .

ok .
**inhale , exhale**
i juss needa vent real fass .
cus me sittin heree thinking is making me frustrated .

mostly at myself .
im such a fucknn bag of emotions !
i swear it irritates me how emotional i am ,
&& itss like , it pisses me off !
i dont want every action i do , or someone does
to affect how i feel .
i should be able to control how i feel about certain things ,
bt i cant .

lotss of thingss hurt my feelings ,
when they shouldnt .
im jus a sensitivee ass person .
bt it depends on the situation .
cus sometime im tough as leather ,
&& sometimess im soft as cotton .
jus dependss on what it deals with .

lately ive come to the realization that ,
now that im not together with him
im insecure .
likee beforee ,
i was confident ,
&& expressive && idk , jus knew were i stood .
bt , now that were not together && i know
for a fact theres other girls he likess and talks to
i jus feel like idk ,
likee im losing .
its not that i think he lovess me any less ,
hes already reassured me .
bt itss just not enough to makee me feel how i used to feel .
cus i know that i no longer hold that position .
i mean i am still the alpha female . his number one choice .
but i still feel likee idk mannn ,
i guess im jus jealous cus im not the only female anymoree .
&& im usually NOT the jealous type .
bt now when hes not talking to me like he usually does ,
i start thinking hes talking to someone else .
he might be , or might not . && its fine ,
i mean were not together so hess free to do whatever ,
vice versa .
buut , im still idk .
i guess the fact i still wanna be with him
makes me feel this way .
mannn , idk , mannn .

i cant even explain exactly how i feel .
its complicated .
then i start feeling selfish cus i jus want things to be the way
i want them to be .
bt i have to respect the fact he doesnt wanna be in a relationship .
i mean that like a fact of life tho ,
you always want what yuu cant have .
true story .

whatever mann , fck it .