15.2.09

the way it is .

**sigh .
mannnnnn .
i cryed lass nitee .
i truely thought i was done ,
bt i let my emotions get the best of me
&& sometimess , i cant fight it .
why did i cry ??
becausee i started to see thingss that i ' ve been blind to .
and it hurts my heart .

whyyy do i put up with the shit i do ?
why ?
why ?
i ask myself that everyday .
&& i can never come up with more than the fact that
i love him .
hmmmm .
is that really enough ?
my sis/wifee said something to me that stuck , she said
"if its meant for you to let him go , then you will "
pretty contrary to what most ppl say ,
bt it makess me feel like im not being as stupid as i feel .
when i sit here trying to figure out why i cant let him go .

he asked me the other day if i was falling outta love with him
i guess cus of the way i was acting ,
bt i dont think its that .
i jus think im pulling myself away because im tired of being so vulnerable
and im the only one getting hurt .
i dont lovee him any less .
i jus dont wanna lovee him anymore than i already do .
sure , in reality, i could live without him .
bt in MY reality , i can 't .
i ' ve given him so much of me &&
im so used to him in my everyday lifee
that to jus walk away or try to push him away or
forget about him && act like i dont care anymoree
is too hard to deal with .

i can deal with with the fact were not together ,
i can deal with the fact hes doing whatever he wants with whoever he wants ,
bt i cant deal with they ' re being another HER , of importance .
someone that could potentially takee my spot .
bt i mean thats lifee .
im scared for things to end bt when you sit && actually
think about how many coupless actually last && do everything they promise each other .
itss not very many .

why do we sell these dreams to the ones we lovee
when we know none of its guaranteed ?
we can feel one way at one point , then everything changes
and everything you said before , now becomes lies bcus now
you made promises you no longer care to keep .

i always wish i didnt lovee so hard .
i mean this is the first time ive ever felt REAL mutual love
for someone . && i ' ve never experienced this kind of relationship .
i know what type of lover i am , && i love whole-heartedly .
with 1000% effort , support , loyalty ect .
i would do / give anything to & for him .
bt idk , if thats what he wants .
bt who wouldnt ?

lol .
males confuse me .
how do you have a girl who would give / do anything for you .
so selfless && loving bt you still dont want her ?
[ && im not saying he dont want me , cus he still does ; we jus arent together ]
bt thats jus how i be feelin sometimes .
bt i guess its normal for things to go bad in relationships .
i guess its jus practice for making the relationship stronger .
sometimes i care . sometimes i dont .
bt i guess thats jus the way it is .

3 comments:

URBAN GEISHA said...

ok r u readin ma mind? dis just looks like what im goin thru. so familiar. lolz.

M$ Toya said...

Hey I know what you're going thru, I'm in the same situation with a guy that I've been dating for about 4 1/2 years. I find myself leaving him alone but for some reason we always end up back together. Your story is my life! I know the feeling of pulling your self away, because men jus don't seem like they have any feelings about anything. But you'll get thru it! Just pull away and do your own thing and once he'll see that you don't seem that interested in him then he'll change and start to chase after you. Men love a challenge and if he already knows he has you then why would he still chase you. Thats just the saying. Anyway hope everything works out ok for you just wanted you to know that I feel ya!!!!!!!

Miss.Fortune said...

damn...
i really feel this..
im takin it personal cuz it applies to me
i guess we just live each day the best we can..
dont worry bout the future cuz we cant change what is to come..
dont worry bout the past cuz we cant go back and change that..

libras..we love hard..
sometimes its good sometimes its bad..
but love is love.
and its pure..u cant help who u love..just love u first..