the way it is .

**sigh .
mannnnnn .
i cryed lass nitee .
i truely thought i was done ,
bt i let my emotions get the best of me
&& sometimess , i cant fight it .
why did i cry ??
becausee i started to see thingss that i ' ve been blind to .
and it hurts my heart .

whyyy do i put up with the shit i do ?
why ?
why ?
i ask myself that everyday .
&& i can never come up with more than the fact that
i love him .
hmmmm .
is that really enough ?
my sis/wifee said something to me that stuck , she said
"if its meant for you to let him go , then you will "
pretty contrary to what most ppl say ,
bt it makess me feel like im not being as stupid as i feel .
when i sit here trying to figure out why i cant let him go .

he asked me the other day if i was falling outta love with him
i guess cus of the way i was acting ,
bt i dont think its that .
i jus think im pulling myself away because im tired of being so vulnerable
and im the only one getting hurt .
i dont lovee him any less .
i jus dont wanna lovee him anymore than i already do .
sure , in reality, i could live without him .
bt in MY reality , i can 't .
i ' ve given him so much of me &&
im so used to him in my everyday lifee
that to jus walk away or try to push him away or
forget about him && act like i dont care anymoree
is too hard to deal with .

i can deal with with the fact were not together ,
i can deal with the fact hes doing whatever he wants with whoever he wants ,
bt i cant deal with they ' re being another HER , of importance .
someone that could potentially takee my spot .
bt i mean thats lifee .
im scared for things to end bt when you sit && actually
think about how many coupless actually last && do everything they promise each other .
itss not very many .

why do we sell these dreams to the ones we lovee
when we know none of its guaranteed ?
we can feel one way at one point , then everything changes
and everything you said before , now becomes lies bcus now
you made promises you no longer care to keep .

i always wish i didnt lovee so hard .
i mean this is the first time ive ever felt REAL mutual love
for someone . && i ' ve never experienced this kind of relationship .
i know what type of lover i am , && i love whole-heartedly .
with 1000% effort , support , loyalty ect .
i would do / give anything to & for him .
bt idk , if thats what he wants .
bt who wouldnt ?

lol .
males confuse me .
how do you have a girl who would give / do anything for you .
so selfless && loving bt you still dont want her ?
[ && im not saying he dont want me , cus he still does ; we jus arent together ]
bt thats jus how i be feelin sometimes .
bt i guess its normal for things to go bad in relationships .
i guess its jus practice for making the relationship stronger .
sometimes i care . sometimes i dont .
bt i guess thats jus the way it is .