8.9.09

where do we go from here ?

too much of anything is never a good thing .
and im starting to throw love in that statement .
im just ughhh . its like when your in love and things are good . its
great .
but when shit it rocky , its horrible .
idk if i should keep trying or let it go .
i feel like i been on this love rollercoaster for a year .
same shit , different people .
i just don't know how to feel anymore .
i keep trying and i still always get dissappointed .
im hurt bcus these are things i never woulda thought he would do .
things i never expected .
i guess . . .
and they never understand .
if i say how i feel im wrong .
im sooorrrrrryy .
im sorry for caring .
im sorry for feeling the way i do .
im sorry i wanna be with you .
im sorry i don't wanna let u go .
im sorry i love you .

what else am i supposed to say ?
i keep falling in love with people who don't have time for me . but can
fit other people in .
i guess making time just isn't a option .
i don't care though , bc im not the type of person to make a person go
outta there way to do anything for me . i don't like asking for anything
.

i can't handle this .
how many times have we been over this "being friends with the person you
love" situation .
to be just a friend i would have to stay in just a friends place and im
way beyond that .
in order to possibly go back to that place i would have to be over him .
and im not .
instead im sitting waiting for things to work itself out and its getting
worse and worse everyday .
i feel like im losing him .
or maybe he's losing me .
some of the things he says makes me feel like he doesn't even care
anymore . and i feel like im still in the relationship and care too much
.
the reality of it is there is no relationship .
he's single . im single .
he wants to be . & i don't .
therefore it bothers me and not him .
funny thing is tmmw is our one year anniversary since tha day we met .
and i feel like the situation as it is is pushing us apart .
i don't wanna let go cus im scared to lose him but holding on isn't
doing anything but pushing him away .
i guess letting go is my only option .
he thinks we need a break . as he always does .
i dnt understand , a break from what ? me ? :-/
and it hurts me cus i know that in this break he's gonna go do what guys
do and fuck other girls and just get even closer to his "friend" . and i
hate the thought of that .
aint shit i could do about it tho .
how do you keep your man when he doesn't wanna stay ?? :'(
ima just leave him alone . and hopefully i find a way to cope . bc if i
don't he might lose me . and not to anyone else but just bc i can't
handle it .
i know i put him thru a lot with my last relatiionship but i never
thought we'd be back here . like we were 4 months ago . wit tha same
reason we broke up . and the i need space/break thing .
i wanted our relationship to be perfect . and its not .
and i cnt stop crying cus i feel like i try so hard .
it doesn't feel the same anymore since we broke up . like that the
happiness he had being with me is gone .
he still tells me how much he loves me . and i know he does .
but that feeling , idk its something in the way .
i wish i was in love with myself .
cus i can't break my own heart .
and if the way he feels changes , and he breaks it .
that's the end of love in my life . cus it honestly wont live here
anymore .

1 comment:

Reggie said...

Too much of anything....I loved how you started off.