4.9.09

>:o .

anger gets you nowhere .
and i have a short fuse .
i say what i feel without thinking and it usually either :

a) comes out ugly . or b) makes a situation ugly .

i just fucked some shit up .
real bad i think .
idk how i really feel yet though .
bcause im still angry .
and i don't apologize for what i said . but i do feel wrong for how i
went about it .
but when your mad you never think clearly .
you just suffer the repercussions .

so let me tell a quick story then explain what just happened .

so , before me & james got back together he meets this girl . he likes
her . its obvious . and i first find out about her when i sign on his
aim and see someone named "beautiful=]" NOW i coundnt really be mad
because we weren't together bt yea im wondering who th she is . so
eventually i get more information . and find out some things that make
me a lil mad but i dnt trip because by that time were together and he's
like i don't like her like that were just friends . . . .so anywho times
going by and i told him i don't like tha fact they're friends bcus he
said she was mad when she found out we got back together meaning. .
.what ? SHE LIKES HIM . now . i let it go bc he likes to talk and i
trust him . but im still iffy at tha same time because me and him
started off as friends . and look what happened . now its one thing to
trip over a female that likes your man . but its another thing to trip
over a female that likes your man than HE'S attracted too .

that is a wholee nother story . im typically not tha jealous type . but
when it comes to the person im in love with , sry but i dnt play that
shit . im not possessive and its not that i don't trust my man . but i
DO NOT TRUST FEMALES . i don't . at all . period . so anyways . . .
he gets mad because i always get mad over lil shit . but i can't help it
. i just idk i dnt feel comfortable . he's tellinn me jellie stop
triippin off lil shit . i don't like her we just friends ect ect . so im
like yea ok . so then when we broke up he gets mad ans deletes me off
his page and changes all his lil statuses to single which pisses me tf
off . cus why was all tht necessary? whatever .

so then toodaay , im returning his cmmnt and here`s her talking about
"this is my page now" . * pause . what do you guys take in from that ?
this is inferring she wants to take over tha page and now says that now
that IM out tha picture its okay for HER to step in . * uh uh . so i
bring this up to him and we have a whooooole 3 hour convo it starts out
talkin bout that and ends up going fairly well til i go to return his
Next cmmnt . here's this girl talkin bout " hey babe , . . .. . . imy
:-* "

Hold TF UP !>:o ! hellllllllll mtfckn nahhh . got me duper duper extra
turnt tf up ! my temper aint prepared for all that . cus um . . . BABE
?! no . why is your friend calling you babe ? IMY :-* ?! she misses you
okay . but why ? whyyyy is she giving you a kiss ? why is she trying to
step in ? like wait a min . so thennn im like why would he even approve
this comment ? knowing how ima react when i read it ? i feel nothing but
anger so common sense isn't registering , im sry . so im leavin tha
comment back and i start talkin about how he got me bent cus blah blah
and she need to regulate her mouth ect . now me knowing what i just said
, even tho it was a comment . i didn't believe he was gonna actually
approve it . but he said he approves all comments . so okay . but thennn
i get accused of lookin for attn cus i left it as a stupid commnt when
that isn't even ma cup a tea . i was just mad at tht moment and wrote
what came out . so of course he approves it . then she chips in with her
2 cents which was expected considering i was referring to her in tha
cmmnt . and she goes on about being grown and doing w.e she pleases n
he's NOT her man so blah blah blah and she sees im keepin "tabs" on my
ex . PAUSE .

1. i apologized cus im woman enough to own up to my mistakes . it
could've been dealt with in a different context but when your angry .
your angry .

2. um , if he's not your man why are u calling him babe & givng him
kisses . idgaf if he's single . he just got outta relationship . you
didn't do it when he was in one so don't expect it to be okay after tha
fact .

3 . do whatever you please , just stay respectful .

4. keeping tabs !? um i never went anywhere ! don't be blindsided just
becus im not in your face doesn't mean im not there . and as for him
being my ex . he sure is but he's also the love of my life thus i will
always get defensive no matter what .

moving along . im mad bc i feel like since he's "single" she's feeling
like nows her time to try n slip n and take over and Um . that's not
going down . idgaf . i don't usually argue nor deal with other females
cus im not competing with anybody . i know where i stand with him . and
maybe she does or maybe she doesn't but i would appreciate if she
respected it .

so as you could prolly imagine , he's mad at ME . because i left a
commnt looking for attn . but he approved it . so i guess tht makes us
both guilty huh . im nt bout to deal with no kinda drama of any kind cus
i dnt have enough time or care in my body to do so . so since this week
all i keep doing is fuckin up .

im leaving it alone . im not gona do any deleting . blocking . cussing
out . talking . when and if he realizes why i got mad tha way i did n
he's ready to talk then we'll see what happens til then idk . cus all i
keep doing is fucking up . i dnt think i can handle this as well as i
did last time . i apologized and that's all i can do .

1 comment:

Pia Lashay said...

hmm .. im sort of in the same effing situation girl ! i know how you feel ! it makes me feel better, that im not the only one in the world with this stupid problem ! it frustrating & shiddd,, im tryna learn to not blow up.. about the situation or worry bout it..but what the fck every... i hold my tongue for none. better to get it out, then bottle it up .. keep ur head up girrly .