its 3am .

and i can't fall back asleep .
im fighting back tears .
we"re not gonna get back together .
its not a fact . it hasn't been stated .
but i feel it .
i just feel like the circumstances aren't gonna allow things to fall in
place .
and im mad .
mad because im trying so fucking hard .
mad because im loving so fucking hard .
i feel like what did i do wrong ?
I've done nothing but loved him and supported him through everything .
and i feel like in the end my hearts gonna get played .
it always does , that's a fact of my life .
i could be misconceiving this .
but your intuition doesn't lie .
maybe that's why I've been missing him so much lately , cus deep down i
know things aren't gonna be the same anymore .
i feel like im losing him .
im losing him .
i just wanna be proved wrong :'(
all the tears in the world can't take away how scared i am .
i just want this one happy aspect of my life to work .
i never get anything in life i really want . ill do anything . god
pleasee .
nothing im saying has been proven but im uneasy .
something doesn't feel right and im in fear .
you can't stop the inevitable . if its not meant to be then i guess .
but why does god keep giving me all these "supposed to be "
relationships?
i wanna be with this man . i wanna marry him . i wanna have kids with
him . i love him more than i want to but i can't stop . he's my best
friend .
but who's to say all these things'll even happen ?
who's to say all my hard earned love and well spent time and affection
will give me that ?
i cnt even talk about this with him . he has enough going on right now
then to be worried about his ex gf and her emotions , trippin . .
i guess i just miss that relevant feeling . knowing im his . the one and
only , wife and the most important .
most men don't pay attention to the little things .
little things to me are just important if not more than tha big . they
effect me just the same and that's not something i can apologize for .
if i could re-wire my emotions to not get hurt by certain shit , plz
believe i would .
but in all reality its the little things that paint the big picture .
i don't know where were headed but im losing confidence .
im getting insecure . some days i feel like things are the same . other
days i feel that strange distance .
and maybe its not me . it could just be the things he's going through .
which is why im not gonna leave his side .
but if its anything else . . .smh i dooon't knoooowww .
i need for fate to fall into place so that i can see what's in front of
me .
my man , or me back by myself . :(