18.9.09

its 3am .

and i can't fall back asleep .
im fighting back tears .
we"re not gonna get back together .
its not a fact . it hasn't been stated .
but i feel it .
i just feel like the circumstances aren't gonna allow things to fall in
place .
and im mad .
mad because im trying so fucking hard .
mad because im loving so fucking hard .
i feel like what did i do wrong ?
I've done nothing but loved him and supported him through everything .
and i feel like in the end my hearts gonna get played .
it always does , that's a fact of my life .
i could be misconceiving this .
but your intuition doesn't lie .
maybe that's why I've been missing him so much lately , cus deep down i
know things aren't gonna be the same anymore .
i feel like im losing him .
im losing him .
i just wanna be proved wrong :'(
all the tears in the world can't take away how scared i am .
i just want this one happy aspect of my life to work .
i never get anything in life i really want . ill do anything . god
pleasee .
nothing im saying has been proven but im uneasy .
something doesn't feel right and im in fear .
you can't stop the inevitable . if its not meant to be then i guess .
but why does god keep giving me all these "supposed to be "
relationships?
i wanna be with this man . i wanna marry him . i wanna have kids with
him . i love him more than i want to but i can't stop . he's my best
friend .
but who's to say all these things'll even happen ?
who's to say all my hard earned love and well spent time and affection
will give me that ?
i cnt even talk about this with him . he has enough going on right now
then to be worried about his ex gf and her emotions , trippin . .
i guess i just miss that relevant feeling . knowing im his . the one and
only , wife and the most important .
most men don't pay attention to the little things .
little things to me are just important if not more than tha big . they
effect me just the same and that's not something i can apologize for .
if i could re-wire my emotions to not get hurt by certain shit , plz
believe i would .
but in all reality its the little things that paint the big picture .
i don't know where were headed but im losing confidence .
im getting insecure . some days i feel like things are the same . other
days i feel that strange distance .
and maybe its not me . it could just be the things he's going through .
which is why im not gonna leave his side .
but if its anything else . . .smh i dooon't knoooowww .
i need for fate to fall into place so that i can see what's in front of
me .
my man , or me back by myself . :(

2 comments:

Stacee G said...

I feel you on how you feel. There is this guy that I still have feelings for and we were close like best friends but he ended up deciding that he wanted to be with his ex gf instead of with me and it hurt so bad bcuz i would do any and everything for him. so now hes with her and now we are just friends and it sucks bcuz things are sooo different between us now and sometimes i wish things would go back to the way they were. but i just think that if we are meant to be then it will happen one day but i wont hold my breath. im just trying to focus on myself and to better myself in life but its diffinately hard not to think about him and wanting to be with him and its dang sure hard thinking about him with another woman and not with me. but i feel what your going through.

NIC-KIA said...

stay strong mamma...
it sounds cliche but if its meant to be it will eventually be..i believe that...everything happens for a reason...