it was tues so i had tht long ass break which wasn't so badd cus roro
was up there wit alexus .
but then i dropped my phone fuckin w. kevin & everything came back
except my bookmarks & aim shit .
aim , whatever .
my bookmarks , i had a lot so im actually pissed abt that .
but see that isn't even what killed my mood for tha day .
you know when they say , you can't be mad if you find something when you
looking for something to find ??
that's how it is , but fuck that i am mad .
i feel lowkey lied to . and if you know me well you know i hate being
lied to more than anything in the world .
so i always follow my intuition , & something was just telling me to
i made a big deal before about him having her named beautiful=] and he
claimedd he changed it .
i didn't check cus i believed him .
he never lies to me .
so i neverrrr sign on his aim just simply bc there's no point .
bt something just kept saying check it check it .
so i just signed on n off real fast .
haappy part - he kept my name and group the same . i smiled .
mad part - i look at beautiful=] and she's now upgraded to "booskie=]" .
i frowned .
pause , let me break .
so as much as i wanna speak on it .
im not , just simply bcus were nt together .
and im really starting to hate it .
but us not being together don't have shit to do wit the fact he keeps
telling me she's his "friend" and now she's booskie .
im pissed off .
i feel straate lied to . im sry but there's no justification for calling
someone u don't like a pet name . and on top of that with a smiley .
it just isn't happening .
idk if he's in denial abt tha fact he likes her or he just doesn't wanna
admit to me he does bc that would be proving my accusation that they
like each other right .
i dnt really care at this point .
im starting to feel like jus bc we not together that everytime something
bothers me im "overreacting" .
i dnt even know what to say besides the fact that im mad .
i hate being single , i hate having no say so , i hate feeling like this
and i feel like this bc im insecure .
angelica is insecure .
bc she's always cheated on .
i can't even name one relationship where i wasn't .
i wanna trust people bt they make it hard for me .
i may not be trusted bc of dumb decisions I've made in tha past but
never EVER have i ever cheated on someone or lost my trust w. someone bc
of another person .
but yet again , that's just ME .
nobody ever compares to how loyal i am . & now im starting to understand
why people aren't .
what's the point .
i can be loyal , and find out something and be devastated .
or i could not be loyal , and find out something n be mad bc he did tha
same thing i did .
but the second option wont ever happen just simply bc it isn't me .
i can never NOT be ME . i can't force what i don't feel .
and i guess im loved bc i love so much . and im honest so much and not
afraid to express myself .
but at the same time they become bad qualities , bc i can't help how i
feel , im very emotional & sensitive , and a lot of things affect me
even if you don't expect them to .
but see i don't apologize for that , bc i don't feel wrong .
maybe if i know i do something wrong . but my feelings are raw emotion .
i can't fake that .
whatever tho , im done going on& on about this . im not even bout to say
anything to you . bcus i know your gonna read this . but just know im
disappointed in the fact i feel lied to . we can talk about it if you
chose to , but i doubt that you do .