soo not to boree anybodyy ,
bt i qotta vent riqht now .
beforee i losee my mindd .
soo i juss qott into it withh my mom againn cuss shess mad tht i dont caree or wanna movee to arizonaa . shess sittinq heree trynaa tewll me about thiss && thatt , bt idgaf .
i cant see my transitionn . shes like ohh yuu can go out to the casino && blah blah .
im suree theress partiess .
I D G A F !>:O
im 20 years old . 20 ! im not bout to go out in a city i dont know by myself , tryna meet new ppl && make frinns . likee ima really have fun . i likee meetinq ppl . bt im antisocial .
shess movinq to arizonaa cus its cheap . im likee wellll thtss all finee && dandy for yuu .
yuu can still be happy . yuu got a husband && your sister in laww && her husband livee out there .
wtf does tht have to do withh me ?
ima still be alone with no friendss && no bf .
idc . maybee ill try it out at some other timee .
bt as of right now in my lifee . i cant feel it .
i lovvee californiaa . && i dont intend on movinq out of it .
im jus trynaa get my lifee togetherr .
i knoww i fuckedd up .
i realize that .
im 20 with no job && i dont go to school .
im depressed .
i feel likeee .
a failuree , to say the least .
&& i really wanna get my shit together .
i really do .
bt the timing is all bad .
right now i havee two optionss .
move back to the bay areaa && livee with my dad or sister && go to school && find a job .
or try to move with onee of my friendss && find a job then go to school .
&& i meann ,
i wouldd movee with one of my friendss bt i hatee feeling dependent .
i dont have shit , so its like .
i havee to depend on them to help me while im tryna get my shit together ,
&& that makes me feel inferior .
&& i hateeeee feeling like that ..
my moms like nobodyss gonna feel any sympathy for yuu blah blah ..
bt im like , wtf .
i dont want nobody sympathy ,
i know what i have to do to get my shit together bt beforee i do
i havee to havee a placee to sleep .
i swear i wishh i had a car ,
cuss bess believee if i did .
id livee out tht btchh .
on somee real shit .
im juss ,
likee itss my fault that im in the position im in ,
so i cant blame anybody .
bt i jus ,
itss like right when i started plannin my lifee out ,
that shit fell apart again .
i swear if i kneww it was gon go down like this i wouldaa appliedd to csulb for the fall
so i couldaa jus went to school && lived on campusss.
bt i missed tht oppurtunity , so im jus shit outta luck .
i know lifee is hard .
&& my situationn isnt all tht complex ,
cuss i jus want what i want .
bt whatever i decision i make is affectinq my life .
&& i want my lifee to stay how it is jus improvise .
i dont want to movee 6 hourss awayy && strainn all the relationshipss i do havee .
im soo pissed off >:O
bt i guess i cant blame anybody but myself .
i jus wishh shit didnt end upp like thiss .
1 year ago