7.1.09

l o s t .

without a placee to qo .
what happenss when yuu plann yur lifee out .
&& everythinqq chanqess ?
itss feels like that allllwayss happens to me .
thatss the reason i didnt start colleqe the fall after i graduated .
&& noww thts the reasonn , i cant happily qet back on my feet .

for the past two yearss i been stuck in this piece of shit ass city called moreno valley .
south of riverside for thosee are like where ?
lol .
mann ,
i been dreamminnnn for the day we moved .
&& i finally talked my mom into movinnqq closer to la .
for [1] moree job oppurtunitess cus it aint shit out here .
&& [2] itss closer to my bf && my friendss .
so , shes like okay find uss a placee .
so i do all this researchh find us a placee in the bellflower area .
so , since she aqreed . i started lookin for jobs .
&& the NEXT dayy after i filled em out .
i gotta call back . so im like mann aint this bout a btchh .
we havent even moved out there yet .
so im like mma we qotta move ASAP !
lol .
shit im tryna get back worrkinn && back on my feet .
so shes like okay we 'll drive out there this weekend .
thenn weds comes . && she talks to her husbands sister tht lives in arizona .
she tells her about cheap houses blah blah blah .
so then it becomes .
oh , its cheap out there .
im tired of california .
were qoinq to qo look out in arizona .
so , now her minds preety mush set on jus up and leavinq to arizona .
no reqardss to angelicass life .
&& itss not even tht i expect her to live her life around me .
i just wanted one year , jus one !
to get back on my feet and move out .
&& not in another fuckinq state !
lol .

mannn .
it dont even matter .
my lifee is just tossed in ther air .
idk what im bout to do .
or where im gonna qo .
im soo juss mannnn .
:'[
i cant stop cryinqq .
i dont wanna jus upp && leavee everythinq i know .
to start a new lifee .
somewheree i dont know .
idc about shit .
i just dont wanna leavee my bf .
even tho he 's qoinq into servicee in sept .
i juss dont wanna leave durinq my lass 8 monthss to be with him ,
whatever .
idk .
im lost .
&& confused .
&& id ont have anyone to stay with out here in california.
well southern .
i could always move back to the bay with my dad .
bt idnt wanna do tht either .
this is jus stressful .
i had 09 all planned out .
and was happy for a new chanqee .
bt i DID NOT expect thiss kind of changee .
smh .

4 comments:

Reggie said...

You too pretty to be crying....Take it from Mary J...:)

iM.R0Ni said...

aww. i've felt the same way plenty of times.
its not a for sure thing for Arizona jus remind ur mom tht she agreed to put the moving in ur hands and u should stick wit the plan cuz u pretty much already have a job waiting for u.
wen somethin like tht happens i jus usually sit my mom or whomevr dwn and be say all the negative effects moving out of state would do to ur life. omg good one is bring in edudcation cuz everystate is diff. lol jus b like "yea it may be cheaper but u'll have to pay for out of state tuition. so really it isnt cheaper ur spendin more money jus in a different area" then ur mom will be like "fck....i guess we movin to belflower" Vi0LA! lol
idk try it. do ur research first. tht way she cant get u wit a comback. try to see the area she tryin to move in and the schools around tht area and get her ass ! lol.

lemme kno how is goes !

GOOD LUCK !

Miss.Fortune said...

i agree with roni..
have a full mapped out plan..dont just have things that sound good.do ur research and show her facts..show her all the positives of staying n california(im currently trying to move back to cali myself..no other state is like it)
but yeah that way she will know how serious u are..and then again im sure she wont make u move so sudden..so u still have time

Jervis said...

yeh i agree with miss fortune,she gotta support u,and i wish luck on u and hope that everything pans out just right