thats what life feels like right now . a fcknn CIRCLE ! i feel likee shit keeps changing , bt i keep coming back to the same placee i was when i startedd . not necessarily a BAD thing . but it can ' t be the BEST thing , right ?
i spendd so muchh timee focusingg on my lovee lifee [becuss its the only part of my lifee thats interesting ] that i tend to neglect all the other aspects , but what exactly am i missing ? i literally havee less than 10 GOOD friends . && prolly less than 5 REAL friends .
friends havee became a part of my lifee i dont realllllly care for . i 've learned how to be antisocial . && just be happy by myself . i admit i get lonely from time to time . but its a personal preference . not that i dont get along with peoplee cus i can get along with anybody i want to . i jus choose to keep myself away from peoplee that cant respect my state of mind . becuss alot of people DONT .
i feel like i've lost the true purposee of my blog . i created it to express myself to peoplee who would listen && not judgee me becuss they dont know me && they can understand without really understanding . lol . but now since so many people i know read it i think twice about whether i should say certain shit . becuss i know at some point it could be read . NOT that i have anything to hideee . cus im never scaredd to say how i feel . anybody that knows me , KNOWS i have no problem with expressing myself . BUT i think about how people might feel . bt whatever . fck it . this is my blog . my place of expression . ima get it out . lol .
so for the majority of my lovely followers new && old [thanks for giving me feedback on my ramblings about love&lifee:) ] yall know most of my posts are about my constant struggle with lovee && the lovee of my lifee . sorrrrryyyy if that gets old . but its all i know how to talk about if i dont have anything better stressing me out . buuuuut , it is what it is . right now ..im single . && im adjusting . but im happy . im not over my ex . && i tried to move on with someone new . but i know im not ready . jus like i know my bf isnt . it just didnt feel right . im so used to my bf that im not ready to give my full attention && all to someone else . evennn tho i did like them . us talking was completely new to me . && although it was a surprisee &&& he madee me smile=] . in some wayss i felt guilty like i was disrespecting my bf . cus i know if i ever told him who he was , it would break his heart . becus it would be the lass person he would ever want me to admit i wanted . cus i PROMISED him i wasnt into him . but when i promised him , i really WASNT . he wouldnt believe me if i told him tho . sooooo , it doesnt really matter . bt it doess . it matters to me . even tho we arent together . i still wouldnt wanna hurt or disrespect him . even if he tryed to do it to me .
twoo wrongss DONT make a right .
i say that all the timee . peoplee always say nope but it makes it better =]
lol . people are crazy . lol . shit IM crazy . at least thats what ive been told . maybe cus im a little odd . who caress . typical scares me ;]
i feel likee ive grew from all this though , its likeeee . i dont expect anything from anybody .
that way i dont get let down or disappointed in the end . " expect the worst && hope for the best" thats the way it is . im taking things one day at a time . becuss ive learned my biggest problemm is thinking && planning for the future when NOTHINGS guaranteed . && THATS a let down . i dont know what to expect anymore . i can only act on whats thrown in front of me .
albert einstein said that , "the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again && expecting a different result ." HA ! damn . aint that some shit . smh . maybe in his state of mind im insane . becuss i keep trying the same shit over && over . && its not that i EXPECT it to change . bt i have hopee that it REALLY will . they say perserverence gets you places....but im stuck in this fucking circle . && i think im trynaa fuck wit a polygon or somn =]