31.8.09

bittersweet . . .

so i realized im kinda making my bf sound like a bad guy . & he's not .
he's really good to me . i know he would do anything for me and he loves
me but things fuck up & people make mistakes . that's life . just
putting that out there . . .

but anyways , today was my first day of school .
* sigh .
fucked up ass morning .
i got 3 hours of sleep .
i had morning sickness .
i left tha house late and had to halfway run to the busstop to make sure
i didn't miss the bus . then it rolls up .
and then im on it , with all these kids packed then a mtfcka but im like
okayy . this is how it was when i was in hs .
so then im ridin n ridin then i look up like where tf am i ?
i got on tha wrong fucking bus >:o
well TECHNECALLY , i got on tha right one but i didn't know it changed
bus routes .
it was 2 of tha same buses back to back and on stays the same and one
changes .
my dumb ass didn't know any of this n got on the wrong one .
resulting in me missing my first class .
right .
so im stuck on tha other side of riverside for about 35 mins . times
just a tickin .
i finally get to skool . buy me a orange juice aand wait for my next
class .
i was talking to this nice girl named shannon . she was sweet but yeaa
.
she's a little to square for my lifestyle .
she really into church n whatnot . and im not .
don't get me wrong ! church is cool . i believe in god . im just not
very very religious .
i smoke weed & have tha mouth of a 50 year old sailor lmao .
its not a good look . lol .
but yeaa . anyways . . .

soo today was a bittersweet day . more sad than happy .
as always .
me and my bf seperated .
yea =-o ! omg ! right . that's how i felt .
same reason as we broke up 3 months ago .
we live 40 miles apart . and he works a lot . & i have no car pluuus i
jus started skool so seeing each other is a pain in thee ass .
blah blah i heard it all before .

its whatever . I've learned aint shit what u make it .
you can make promises and say over and over how you want things to go .
but there's absolutely NO guarantess that it will .
that's life . and im soo over it .

im mad but im not . it is what it is . we were both unhappy bcus we
couldn't see wach other enough so i can't really force him to be unhappy
n stay with me just because i don't wanna be alone and single . its just
a title & i doubt very highly our relationship changes just because we
aren't "gf / bf" . we been thru too muchh .
now i don't have shit in my life but school . and that's still not a cup
of tea cus im missing 2 books . for 2 classes . ughhh .
gotdammit life is a pain n my ass .
i swear id trade in 10 years of my life just to see 5 years ahead into
my future .
just to know that i will be happy one day .
i dnt wwana fel how i do now in 5 years .
i doubt that very highly . lol .
but yeaa .
right now im feelin like fuck it .

1 comment:

quynnief.baybee said...

i swear i leave hte dumbest comments but go to the school ibrary and copy the whole book. it might be like 30 dollars or something but its cheaper than buying the book or ask someone in your class...and now you get to concentrate on your studies..so i guess its good and bad that your single...but if its meant to be it willll.and you gusy were good friends before n e ways so you'll be good friends after