shit never gets easiier .

im having one of my moments .
i feel like i only blog when im mad or crying .
& youuu guessed it ! im crying .
i can't help it .
i can be tha biggest bitch to other people && my feelings are made of
glass =/

im just . mad & sad & disappointed & confused .
i just want everything to work .
it never does .
like is that my fault ? is something wrong with me ?

i hate having bad relationship days . cus those are the only days i cry
& feel miserable . & i know i shouldn't let it but they affect my heart
the most .

i just talked to my boyf . very uncomfortable conversation . you knw
when ppl say they aren't mad but tha convo just feels that way ? like no
smiles . no laughs . short responses ?

i didn't even talk to him yesterday cus i didn't have any mins cus he
was supposed to buy me some . but kept forgetting . im wasn't really
trippin cus i know he was working really hard . but i was really hoping
he remembered so i didn't have to go thru this stage of dumbfounded
regret .

don't depend on anybody .
everyone says that , incl me !
so i don't . i don't ask anybody for shit .
its not in my nature .
so for my boyf to tell me if i need anything to jus ask .
idk i was like ok bt i never intended on askin for anything .
until i was gonna run outta mins n didn't have money to buy any .
i kept telling him . he kept forgetting .
he was wrking 12 hour shifts so i was like he's tired .
but i didn't wanna feel like dumb like i do now for asking for something
and not getting it .
i think i expect people to be like me and there not .
if my boyfriend asks me to so something ima do it . i might complain or
talk shit but ima get it done .
if u need something and i can do it . ima do it .
and that's never the situation for me .
i feel like maybe im too nice or something . cus im always feelin like
they don't wanna do the simplest things i ask . and i try not to let it
bother me but it does . it hurts my feelings .
like why would i do anything for u ? but when i ask i have to wait or
its not convienient .
i guess i set myself up for disappointment .
and i don't even ask for anything difficult .

am i mad he didn't get me mins ? kinda .
im more hurt . like idk . i really depended on that .
bt i guess that's my bad .

i bought my own outta my school money .
then when he signed on . i had o831o9 on my away bcus my ex asked me to
put something nice on my away cus he's leaving for basic training on tha
31st which coincidentally is the same day we met a year ago .
i took it down bcus i didn't want my man to get mad the first time we
talk since tha day before yesterday . & he called me out on it . which i
ddnt care bcus i don't have anything to hide from him . i jus didn't
want him to take it tha wrong way .
then i felt bad like why did that have to be tha 1st thing he saw . like
who cares cus i was jus being nice . but like a i miss my bby woulda
been nice . but i was still mad about nt havin mins .

our whole convo was dead . he said he wasn't mad but i jus felt tha
discomfort . he said he was goin to a pool party then my aim started
trippin n i signed off then bck on . told him it was . & he jus signed
off tho .

like no ill ttyl . no i love you . no nothin !

i just started crying . i have too many emotions . and like i keep
having deja vu of all the shit i hate . i just wanna talk . i wanna be
understood . but i guess now isn't the time . . .

just venting . no need for commentation . thanks .

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