11.8.09

amusement park Closed .

i been on this rollercoaster for 11 month and 11 days .
im sick . of going thru tha saaame shit over & over & over .
im done . i could continue to try .
& i know that if we tryedd reeeeally hard .
we could be perfect .
BUT .
i shouldn't have to try that hard . it should be easy .
like my sisters grandmother said ,

" if you have to try extra hard for a relationship to work , its not
worth it . love comes naturally . "

and although i feel our love is natural . and its already there so were
not working towards love . were working hard to keep it .
im trying way too hard to keep our relationship to my satisfaction .
when we first got together we never argued . then when they started i
tryed to avoid them by always apologizing . or taking tha blame . even
tho he`d admit when he was wrong even tho i made him be right . i
admired that .
now we argue practically everyday . there is no avoiding it . tough love
? i no longer care whether he's mad . im mad too shit !
i wont even get into why were not talikng anymore bcus im not gonna put
his business out on here although he already hates tha fact i put our
relationship on blast on here 0>:-D
but anywhoo . i think it could be the end . he apologized and i wanted
to accept n take him back but i couldn't . that would be contradicting
what i keep tellin myself NOT to do . smh .
its crazy . cus no matter what he does to me . i always forgive him and
give him another chance . smh @ myself . its a love thing . i guess .
i mean . i forgive him for what he did this time .
im just not taking him back .
i need to try something else .
i know me and him could work . but i don't feel like right now is tha
right time .
he's not ready .
idc how many times he tells me he is cus he's not showing me .
who knows maybe if he matures n tha future and one day we run into each
other and tha oppurtunity is right sparks a fly again & we could be back
together .
cus ill prolly never stop loving him .
bt only tha future knows .
til thenn im doin me and doin what makes ME happy :)

& we all know what makes me happy ;)

1 comment:

OfficialNne said...

hey beauty i hardly ever post comments but i had to tell you this: i like the fact that you wanna keep a distance, you just have to DO IT RIGHT. I found myself in the same predicament like you are in, and i always kept him CLOSE to me, so incase he did change, id be the first..WHAT BULLSHIT. it only gets worse, cuz you cant touch..still you wanna. and you guys argue and with each time ull be wonderin..what am i still doing here. i say close the book. drop it like its hot. REAL HOT. move on. cuz if you dont, he might start blamin you for holding him back, and you ll be mad for not letting go
wish you the best
i love your blog.