28.12.08

farewell my lovee ,

[siqhh .]
thiss bloqq hass nothinqq to do withh everyonee elsee
&& everythinq to do withh my first REAL && last lovee .
thiss is to himm .
thesee are my final wordss .
i dont evenn know where to start .
ive literally been thinkinq for hourss && hourss .
about what im qonna say , && how im qonna say it .
so manyy thouqhtss && soo manyy memoriess .
i just dont understandd yuu . . .

it took four monthss for yuu to fall inn && out of lovee .
all the thinqss yuu told me .
all the thinqss i believedd .
all the thinqss i did .
all the thinqss yuu did .
so many memoriess .
&& now its just ,
over .

im not qonna tell yuu anythinqq yuu already know .
yuu know how i feel about yuu so theress no need to repeat myself .
i just never thouqht we would end for this reasonn .
i never thouqht yuu would feel , how yuu feel .
im not qonna talk shit about her ,
bcuss i dont know her . && maybee she doess somethinq i dont .
bt onee thinq i can promisee yuu tht she cant do ,
is lovee yuu likee i lovee yuu .
no onee cann .
myy lovee for yuu is likee ;
a mother && childd , qrandmother && qrandchildd :
never endinq .
every word , sentencee , thinq i ever toldd yuu i was alwayss
150% reall withh yuu .
id ridee for yuu && id diee for yuu .
&& i still wouldd ,
till the day i diee .

my biqqest problem ,
or well ,
hardest thinq for me to try and understand is whyy yuu lied to me soo
muchh durinq tht time yuu kneww yuu didnt wanna be with me anymoree .
we hadd tht conversationn , where i toldd yuu
i was scaredd cuss i had faith we'd make it , bt i was scared we wouldnt cuss of all my previous relationshipss didnt . i told yuu i jus wanted to be with yuu forever .
&& yuu listened ,
&& your response , "i wanna be wit you forever too."
knowinq that you didnt .
smh .
whyy do me like tht ?
im listeninq to you complete me [keyshia cole] .
&& you told me to listen to it .
i wishh i never did .
i remember everythinq yuu wrotee onn your paqee word for word .
beforee yuu deleted it .
i believedd everythinqq you ever told mee .
was i beinq naivee to trust the only person i love ?
how do yuu lovee someonee "moree thann anythinq" ,
bt walk away ?

yuu kneww yuu were the most important thinqq inn my lifee .
&& your selfishh wayss jus said , fuck me && how i felt .
or maybee yuu just dont really care=/
i wishh i kneww what i did wronq .
i wishh you wouldve told mee when thinqss started chanqinq so
i couldve tryedd to save myself .
bt maybee it was inevitablee .

&& as biqq as a crybby as i am
lol .
i havent really cryedd til i started typinq this .
i havee so muchh to try to express && i wishh you would understand .
bt no sonq could explain it .
no person .
not evenn the wordss im typinq can explainn or express how i feel .
i just wishh i could show youu .

all i ever wanted to do was lovee you .
&& i do .
bt you dont want my lovee anymoree.
&& i thought you would never stop wantinq it .
&& i quess im jus foolishh for believinq nothinq could ever qo wronq .

im not qonna beq for yuu to comee back .
im not qonna wishh you lovedd me moree .
cus what yuu dont want someonee elsee will right ?

i went out last nitee ,
&& yuu know i forgot what it was likee to havee niqquhs in my facee tryna get what they
couldnt havee .
bt really ,
they could havee it .
&& i met this really nicee quy .
he madee me smilee && everythinq .
bt in every silencee of our conversationn .
i couldnt help bt think of yuu =/
&& thts how i kneww it wasnt time for me to movee onn just yet .

yet .
im not qonna up && find a new niqquh ,
cus to be honest im still in lovee withh yuu .
bt ,
i just needed to get this off my chest so i can close this chapter && walk away .
knowinq i gavee yuu all tht i couldd .
so as muchh as i wanna hatee yuu for all the timess youu hurt me && madee me cryy .
i dont .
youu qavee me a lifee lessonn .
you taught me how to lovee without limitss .
i dont think i could ever lovee anyone as much as i love yuu zahkeem .
bt when yuu lovee somethinq , sometimess yuu qotta let it qo .

&& i dont want ANYBODY to think yuu werent a qood personn .
cuss yuu were the most beautiful person i ever met .
on so many levelss .
bt shit happenss i quess .
i wishh yuu the best bby .
alwayss && forever .
i lovee youu .

[p$] whenn yuu have kidss . if yuu name any of them any of our namess
ima personally come and beat yo ass , lol . jus playinn bby . havee a nicee lifee thoo :-*

6 comments:

Janeen Mesmerize said...

Everythings gonna be alright mama... Like they always say everything happens for a reason. Don't let this get you down, although I know you loved him. Take care of urself.

Jervis said...

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck, like u said, u were naive to think that NOTHING can go wrong. And i know what that feels like. Man, take your time though, dont rush, trust me, YOU DONT NEED NO NIGGA right now. Take it slow, and be thankful that you have what u have, and thats LIFE. But when you've fallen in LOVE, sometimes it overides the value of LIFE. Im prayin for u mama

Reggie said...

I'm glad your getting it off your chest instead of me watching you on "Snapped"....Work it out, boo!!!:)

paaru;BAD said...

my twinnn ;

reading this ; reminds me so much of myself && i now i see
why we clickedd so well ;; so naive when it comes to love

blinded by its greatest ;; no one
knows but me [ && thaa other twin]
how yu reallyy feel but im gladd your doing ohkayy and to my surprisee your

dealing with it and walking away with your head real highh -- yu inspire me in moree wayys thn one
i kno you've lost a piece of yourself . but in timee itll come bakc

your hurting and thas normal bby ;; we're human -- just do you

be young and beautiful ;; have fun
b4 you grow oldd and be a housee wife >:] bwhahahahaha .

your gonnaa be good =] i alreadyy
do was best for youu ;; at thaa

end of thaa dayy you gottaa think
to yourself and make suree everything is worth going thru .








ilyyyyyyyyyy <3333333333

ariele said...

funny ass last lines [=



hope things get better. dont stress it.

Anjl Marie said...

HON I KNOW THAT ITS HARD BUT TRUST ME EVERYTHING WILL BE OK... I WENT THROUGHT THE SAME THING THIS YEAR... IT GETS EASIER YOU JUST GOTTA KNOW THAT EVERYTHING HAPPENS NOT JUST FOR A REASON BUT TO MAKE US BETTER


MUCH LOVE TO YOU HON