8.12.08

ventinq .

[siqh] .
at the moment thiss iss very necessary .
im assuminq imma be doinnq ALOT of bloqqinq ...
i havee so muchh to qet off my headd , && no other way too express itt ,
idgaf if yall read it or not .
juss qettinq it out helpss .

so, i was finee last nite . i didnt cry .
i was qood =]
i knew it wouldnt last .
my eyess openedd thiss morninq ,
&& i saidd FCK !
i didnt wanna wake upp .
i didnt wanna face reality .
i didnt wanna think about my situation .
my life .
my pain .
i cry alonee , cuz i hate whenn people see me cry .
i feel weak .
im tryna qet ahold of myself ....
why am i cryinq so hard ?
whyy am i so hurt ?

i feel like a fckinq fool .
i put everythinq out on the tablee , to qet straiqht upp robbed .
whyy the fck did i do tht ?
wtf was i thinkinq ?
i hatee this part of lovee .
the heartbreak .
therees the happiness && the heartbreak .
happiness aree the qood timess , the natural hiqh yer onn beinq with tht personn ,
smilinq for no reasonn . just happy becuss ....
then theress heartbreak , the pain , the confusion , the manipulation , the part yuu were always blind to , tht finally comess to liqht .

itss a constant struqqle in every relationship between the two .
alwayss .
i woke up with reqret , becausee i wishhed i wouldnt have tripped so hard last nitee .
but i cant control how i feel . i have too much emotionn . i hateeeee tht .
i remember whenn he told me i had the biqqest heart ; i told himm yeaa , thats why it alwayss qets hurt , completely oblivious to the fact he would practically snatchh it out my chest a couple days later .

i dont know how i qot so comfortable in my relationship . it was like a marriaqe , its been perfect lately - almost perfect . i felt like nothinq could tear us apart cuz we were so stronq , he loveed me sooo muchh && i loveed himm so much moree . so howw do yuu fuck tht off ?
smhh .
it can bee snatchedd awayy in the blink of and eyee . without reason , but simply because it can happenn .

im havinqq the biqqest internal battle with myself && my heart .
like , shouldd i qivee himm another chancee bcuss i lovee himm ,
or shouldd i say fuck thiss , cuz i dont deserve to be treated like this ?
ive never had a relationship like thiss , && evenn tho it isnt perfect .
its more than special . do i choose to let qo becausee he 's takinq it for qrantedd ?

mannn .
thiss is sooo fuckedd upp .
im juss , fuckedd up .
&& nobody caress .
nobodyy knowss what i qo throuqh on a daily basiss .
i feel like runninq awayy && never cominq back .
sometimess i feel likee i ' d be better of dead .
this was my last piece of happiness .
now im dead insidee .
yeaa , im livinq .
but , love , friends , family .
all tht shit is non existent to me .
im practically a qhost .

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ohkayy . i had to takee a moment .
[deep breathinq ]
i want soo much pain til i jus become numb .
im startinq to hate evrythinq .
&& i dont wanna feel like thiisss .
i wanna smile && be happy .
&& be lovedd .
&& i havee none of that .
i never havee .
no wait , i take tht back .
i had that temporarily ,
he qivess me that .
but , i quess i have to learn to livee without his lovee.

1 comment:

Reggie said...

You switched up the blog...Me likey!!!!!:)