24.12.08

mirror , mirror onn the wall .

mann .
i havee the worst insecuritiess about my body =/
&& i meann thts reqular , lotss of girlss do .
bt likee i had started to forqet && accept my bodyy for how it iss .
thenn i was havin a convo wit ma bf lass nitee about takinn a shower toqetherr && all my insecuritiess came back =[

&&i meann itss not likee im obesee or anythinq
bt im no where near skinny .
my ass is likee thickaa than a snickaa.
lol .
&& i qot thick traitss. .
aka
cellulitee , stretch markss
lmao.
all tht shit ppll havee bt dont wanna talk about .
lol .
bt likee .
im jus fuckinn stressinn now .
bt not becausee im mad .
bt becuss im sadd .
&& nervouss .
lol .
sadd cuss i wanna takee the shower withh himm bt i know my insecuritiess make tht impossiblee.
nervouss cuss i dont know how lonqq its qonna takee me to get over it .
i meann .
we plann on havinn kidss so hes qonna see all of me eventually anywaysss .
bt likee .
shit .
im worried about if he doesnt likee what he sees .
&& i know most ppl would be likee "ohh if he lovess yuu , hes gonna love your bodyy blah blah"
thts bullshit .
ppl cheat because of tht reason .
everyones not gonna like everythinq .
even if they do lovee yuu .
bt they miqht deal with it , bcuss they do .

soo noww im like on thiss "qotta qet ma fatass in shape" mood .
im cuttin all my xtraa mealss out . no sodaa . no suqary shit .
&& moree exercisee .
&& im really pissed of cuss i gotta bad knee cuss i qot hit by a car in the 12th qradee
so now i cant run n shit .
&& all my exercisee used to be dancinn ,
thts all i used to do .
bt i fucked my knee up again lass august && ever since i started walkin normal again
im scared to do anythinq tht might fuck tht shit up .
lol .
whichh is makin it about 6726484 timess as hard to get some cardioo inn .
im likee muthafuck !
lol .

im a find a way tho .
cuss i know id be wayy happier if i lost like 10-15 lbs juss on the fact i lovee clothess && theyll look better .
&& pluss i needa find a qood plann fer when i qet preqo . =/
shit . id rather be smaller && qet preqo otherwisee when i do .
ima be biq as a housee .
lmao .
all bad .

i qot all off topic .
lol .
bt yeaa is there anybody else out there tht had self imaqee probss bt over came them ?
especially wit likee they siqnificant other ?
or likee any dudess advicee on what they think about womens bodyys =]
all commentationn is appreciated =]

2 comments:

Janeen Mesmerize said...

I know exactly what you feel like. I used to be super slim, the university like made me gain weight. So I've put my foot down and the last 2 wks have been going to the gym at least 4 times a week. Got a personal trainer and have been eating a whole lot healthier. Me and my bf have been together for 13 mos now, and I was scared to shower with him @ first but now everythings good. You just gotta get confident. I'm here if you need any help.

nt skinne n e mo said...

yes i over came...i think. lol

like katt williams said :
you either big and got small
or small and got big.

i was the small and got big. . . well bigger than i was.

i got the stretch marks and i love to b half naked.
but im still self conscious.

the babes takes shower with me and at first i was self concious but he started trippen like y are you actin shy so he wasnt trippen

so if yo dude not trippen you shouldnt.
he should love you for who you are.
&& not no stretch marks or weight gon
turn no dude away....

shit i shouldve just wrote a blog. lol