28.6.10

um.

im trying really hard to be okay . not be sad. not cry. bt being all by
myself is hard. i dnt have friends so its hard to keep myself busy. I've
been packing stuff and everything but that still leaves my mind open to
think....im upset still . my ♥ still hurts , i wish i never gave it
away now. i don't wanna go through this anymore it gets easier bt tha
pain never really goes away . its hard to accept that someone all of a
sudden doesn't love you anymore. its hard on me period bc that was like
the best thing tht ever happened to me i don't have tht anymore or my
bestfriend :( my eye keeps dropping tears lol. i jst really wish i could
forget everything. i can't even cherish our good memories the way i used
to bc i jst wanna cry bc we were so happy and i wonder how i fkd up
things so bad tht i made him fall outta love . am i that bad? why can't
anyone love me :( im really like heartbroken. im really trying to nt cry
or dwell on things bt its hard to try to force my ♥ to heal bc the
pain doesn't go away. i don't wanna be bitter or scared . bt i can't
love again, im scared to death. how am i supposed to know someone really
loves me ? i thought i found someone tht loved me to death. through
everything bad and good...im fenna fkn start cryin again . i can't keep
tryna hold back tears bc i dnt wanna cry about this everytime i try to
be okay. how was i wrong ? i believed everything he ever told me bt none
of that means anything anymore bc the choice he made contradicted it
all. all i can do is work on my attitude and being a more positive
person ..i never wanna lose love bc of me anymore it weighs sooo heavy
on me. whatever man , i really hope im healed by next month sometime cus
i don't wanna deal w. this anymore. i don't wanna deal with anything
anymore .