its just me, myself, and i .

well, its no secret friends have expiration dates just like most shit
but i didn't expect to lose practically everyone i socialize w. in the
same month. im not understanding what i did wrong but i guess . first i
lost my bestfriend. now the 2nd closest person to me faked on me today .
and everyone else i tlk to on the regular is jst plain actin funny since
im moving. i simply don't have the energy to try to find out why no one
wants to tlk to me anymore. it seems like everyones happy and talkative
when im goin thru some shit but when im happy and wanna be happy,
everyone wants to act brandnew. at this point im like whatever. yu come
in this world alone, and yu die alone ...life isn't supposed to be
lonely bt I've adapted. i guess i can't keep expecting much frm anyone
bc the only person that'll never disappoint is myself. i just want to
move and find a fkn job to keep myself occupied. im nt about to cry cus
i don't have friends, im jst lowkey upset that nobody in the world knows
how to be genuine anymore. people are jst fake for no reason. its always
competition its always talking behind someones back its always tryna fk
with someone elses man its always some bullshit . i dnt have time for
that. like what happened to havin someone to confide in that's always
there to pick yu up and make u smile? shits practically nonexistant and
i can't call it karma bc I've never been a bad friend to anyone, if i
dnt like yu im simply nt gonna speak to you im not about to smile and be
nice then tlk shit afterwards tht shits dumb. buuuuuut i guess that's
the way things go in 2010 lol.

in other news i was talkin to zahkeem this morning..yea yea i kno. and i
had asked wht made him fall outta love and he said he didn't remember bt
he knows it was bc i was too negative and sad and always focused on more
bad than good.... it kinda sucks cus i guess that's like the same reason
james left. only difference is i left zahkeem bc of his ignorance....its
jst a reality check , i wish i wouldve noticed how bad it was before i
lost people i loved. and i hate negative people but i never noticed i
was one of them :-/ but im nt negative about other people , i usually go
hard on myself...bt either way i guess that's not tha best trait .
ssooooo with that said I've been doin a lot of reflecting and im working
on seeing life and things in another perspective...im entirely way too
smart and pretty to focus on so many negative things. i wanna be happy
and so i am . im choosing to to say fuck everything and be happy. im
letting go of the past and starting over bc the only person that can
change me is me. and i wanna grow frm my mistakes...i don't wanna lose
another person i love over the same thing bc it jst hurts too bad to
feel like your giving everything to make it work but it never works
anyways...im doing really good tho ! im actually proud of myself. i
haven't been crying and im nt depressed either. i don't hurt anymore. i
can think about the situation and just accept it for what it is. i cnt
say im nt sad that i lost my ♥ in the process but this is my time to
grow. i jst hope i can find my ♥ again.

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