i finally broke down ...

i started off cryin cus i was thinkin about how much i miss my cuhkzo
cus he always popped up at times like this. he always listened to me
vent and never judged me and he always had somethin to say to make me
feel better . always looked out for me man , even frm the beginning smh
. he always tried to warn me before things went bad .. and even tho
james asked him to be there that whole time he was in jail, i
appreciated tf outta that. bc he didn't have to check on me everyday bt
he did and idk wht i wouldve done if he didn't keep me company tht
entire month . im sooo fkn madd !! why they have to do him like that :'(
i can't stop cryinn ...and i can't figure out if its cus now james is
gone too. and im gonna assume so cus typin tht jst made me start all
over:'(......i cnt type hldon.

man, ima miss b. i know him nd james bumped heads a lot bt even when me
& james wasn't together, brandon would always be like wassup cuhkzo!
lol. tht was my nigga man, we never argued in tha time we knew each
other all we did was laugh n tlk shit and even when one of us was down
we'd jst help each other out of it ...i dnt have anybody else like that
in my life . i dnt even have my best friend anymore...my play sis actin
brand new. regular friends actin brand new. i don't have anybody. but i
guess ill be alright. i was doin good nt cryin about my relationship bt
thinkin abt how i wish b was still here ...smh tht shit made me cry. he
may nt have been a saint and i cnt say if he was a good friend to
everyone bt he was a good one to me and i loved him for that. he didn't
deserve his life gettin taken frm him. i hate people. as for james...idk
how to feel, im over it and i was proud of myself for nt crying bt deep
down inside i think i have a lot of pain tht im jst afraid to touch. idk
how or when it'll go away bt hopefully i jst forget about it and keep
moving forward . i wish i could forget everything now cus the memories
hurt . our good memories make me cry bc now it reminds me of when he
still loved me . i wonder if he thinks of me . prolly not cus he's all
into his new love bt w.e . im trying to stay strong all by myself . im
my own support system . ill be okay ... god help me :(

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