i said i wouldnt cry anymore .
i havent cried ! . . . .yet .
i dont think i am .
bt , i know at some point i will .
i wishh i could tell yall what just happened .
bt i dont even wanna talk about it .
im still speechless .
im suree its the truthh .
bt , im just likee amazed . wowed . i cant believe it .
bt then again .
somehow i already knew .
maybe thats why it doesnt hurt as bad .
im jus disappointed i was right .
mad at myself for believing lies && ignoring things i shoulda took into consideration .
thats nobodys fault but mines .
lovee is blind .
not that i DIDNT see , i just didnt WANT to .
i wanted it to be real .
maybe it was .
maybe it wasnt .
it FELT real .
but feelings && reality are two diff thingss .
sometimess i cant help how i feel .
sometimess maybe i should just keep it to myself .
but i cant .
i always feel the need for expression .
i always have to say how i feel .
it has to be acknowledged .
that causes problems .
i dont want problems .
bt sometimes its inevitable .
yuu have to make a choicee -
express it or leave it bottled inn .
to leavee it bottled in would just eat away at you .
i hate that .
i hate alot of things .
i hate being lied to .
i hate being misunderstood .
i hate being misleaded .
i hatee being told one thing && shown another .
i hatee being played with .
i hate being walked on .
i hate being taken advantage of .
i hatee feeling like this .
how could this happen again ?
why does this always happen to me ?
why do i always fall for ppl that dont always feel the same way back ?
why do ppl take my kindness for weakness ?
why dont ppl realize what they havee ?
why do i risk my happiness for someone elses ?
why do i lovee so hardd ?
why do i still gaf ?
im madd .
im pissed off .
im confused .
im sad .
im fckinn losst !
all i want is the whole complete truth .
i just wanna understand whats real .
&& not fed lies .
they sound good .
bt fuck good .
i want real .
right now i feel like im stuck in a fantasy && im tryna make it reality .
i dont want that >:O
i want the REALITY of thingss .
i dont want shit else .
i guess ppl take advantage cus i let them .
i jus like pleasing people .
&& i still havent learned .
smh at myself .
i guess tonite was a reality check .
i really just dont care anymore .
for what ?
to be disappointed again ?
i dont deserve what i put myself through .
i know that .
but i guess its true when they say
when yuu in lovee , itss crzy .
lovee makes yuu do crazy thingss .
&& thats some real shit .
i can tell yuu that personally .
bt then again . . .
they say when yuu lovee somethin sometimess yu gotta let it go .
maybe its timee =(
6 days ago