july 16th .

its been so much going on that i don't even have the energy to recap. i
apologize but talking about my life and love life are jst tiring at this
point bc its always up and down . things started to look up for a moment
then i let my emotions get the best of me (as usual). i give up. if its
meant to be then ill let god make it happen. im moving on w. life. I've
been job searching which is like looking for the damn devil in this heat
but i gotta stay focused ...i neeeedsss moneeyyyyy lol. i haven't talked
to james in about 3 days. feels like forever ...im okay tho, I've come
to the point where i think he's more of what i want than what i need.
meaning i could live w/o him , he's not necessary to live but i don't
wnna lose him out my life . its going on two years in another month
soooo yea . idk . i miss him but whatever , i hope he's taking the time
he needs for hisself to put things into perspective . i wish him the
best tho...no need to hate jst bc things didn't work out the way i
wanted. life is what it is . you win some , lose some , and never get
none . lol basically. im ready for whatever God has in store for me .
hopefully great things :) i can feel it . i wanna start going back to
church too , i need to make a reconnection w. him cus i mean i still
pray but i think i need to hear some of the word from time to time jst
for better spirits . I've never been really religious so im nt fenna act
holier than thou bt its time for something new :) anyways . im fenna try
to go to bed its 2am ...and sleepless nights haven't been anything
foriegn lately :/ rest in peace to all my loved ones I've lost ..esp B
jst cus i was talking abt him earlier . suuuuwwoooooop! for old times
sake lol. ily. Gn all !!