so sorry my loves .
im thinking maybe its abt time for a new blog .
i feel nt so comfortable posting abt what i be goin thru / thinking
considering people i love read it .
im not ashamed of how i feel .
or trying to hide it , i just know sometimes people get hurt or mad .
but this is just me expressing myself .
please let me live .
moving on . . .
love . is . thee . most . complicating . confusing . thing . in . the .
idk where to start .
i`ve been having a lot of good , deep talks w. my ex . & i`ve come to
tha realizatiion that there has to be a reason he`s still in my life .
and i even asked my sis/ wife who gives thee best advice just to make
sure it wasn't me being blind again =/
no matter what we go thru .
if he stps talkin to me .
or i stop talkin to him .
he ALWAYS comes bck to me .
everytime , i wanna give up and say fkc it .
he comes bkc .
i blocked him on aim last week bcus he had made me mad .
& he emailed me a few hours later asking to be unblocked .
and its like ,
he could've left alooong time ago so he has to be around for a reason .
he loves me , w. out a doubt .
& i love him also , that's my first love .
id ride for him .
but idk , im scared to get bkc into a relationship right now .
i jus keep getting hurt over and over .
i wnna make sure its forreal .
plus he's leaving for basic training [marines] in sept and thts gonna
break my heart after he leaves .
we not bkc together together . bt we together . lol .
feels that way . that's my love .
your all wondering whaaat aboout jamesss >:o !!
im wondering too =/
i hellaa miss him i haven't talked to him in about a week .
last time he called he was still in atl and when i asked when he was
coming bck , he said he didn't know .
he sounded so sad .
he asked if i was still tlkin to my ex & i told him tha truth .
he said he was surprised i haven't took him bkc yet which actually kinna
hurt me like damn .
am i that weak ?
like he's expecting me to jus say fkc him and go bck to my ex .
which in all honesty i could .
but that's not what i wanna do .
i still love him so much .
but i think my love for my ex is superior .
he said he wanted to go bck to being friends , so be it .
he needs time and space i guess .
and i need time attention & affection .
things he's unable to give right now .
im so lost right now .
at this point im jus like follow your heart angelica .
cus i can't predict what's gonna happen or who ima be with .
i don't wanna hurt anyone either .
i just wanna be wit someone who's gonna love me and treat me tha way i
deserve to be treated .
my first priority right now is me .
love is last on my list bcus idk what's gonna happen and im not bout to
stress it .
i love and miss james .
bt as of right now ,
my heart is sayin first love . . .
im just not ready to take that last step .