18.5.09

me . myself . & i .

* that`s all i got in thaa endd , thats what i found out . . .

not even basedd uponn thaa song . but beyonce was on to somethinn ! lol
. so im prolly bout to be on serious blog overload sincee it`s beenn
soo longg && i have so muchh built upp . i just can`t writee it all at
oncee or it`ll prolly takee up thaa wholeeee blog lol . so back to thaa
moral of thaa topic . . .

i`ve basically felt alonee my whole lifee . me & my onlyy sister are
seven years apart so we didn`t really hit it off til i was like 17 - 18
. i playedd mostly by myself [ w. barbiess n shit ] not becausee i
didn`t havee friendss but becausee i didn`t have alotta kidss aroundd
wheree i livedd . it was mostlyy jus old peoplee . blahh & boring .
so yeaa anywayss i`ve basically just trainedd myself to be okay w. being
alonee . even tho i really hateeee it
, it`s just something im used to . . . i`ve always been single & alonee
versus in a relationship cus i`ve never had a REAL serious relationship
, well at least nothing comparable to shit yu see on tv or evenn real
lifee for that matter . my relationships are always unique . thus ,
never lasting .

my nearest & dearest relationship , & first like REAL lovee lovee
relationship is my last one . whichh is why i think i'll never let it go
. theyy sayy yuu stay in lovee w. yo first lovee . our relationshipp
is still strong . our lovee is still mutual . we talk about things
i`ve never talked about beforee . tha future , tha past , tha present .
w. him everything feels soo right . but theres always a flaw . . .always
. he doesn `t let his actions speak louder than his words . so we never
see each other . never spend time . nadaa . just all conversation ,
whichh is mostly how we ended up in tha state were in - separatedd .
but , im loyal . always have been always will be . i really have faithh
in us . and its not even about being stupid . i don`t really likee
hearing ppls opinionss on tha matter becus i know what they gonna say ,
and they not in this relationship , i am . ill be dumb , stupid , w.e
but i know how i feel & i know how he feels . thats what it is . i `ve
already preparedd myself for IF we don`t last or IF we don`t do all tha
things we said . its just a risk ima takee . you only live oncee . .
.

ok , i got a lil caught up in that but basically . im still lonely . i
don`t spend timee w. other niggas cus i just don`t even tho i could . i
really wanna spend timee w. ppl i caree about . bt , it doesn`t always
end up that way . i guess i stay lonely cus im too picky ? or maybe im
just stupid . im not thaa type of girl that jus surrounds herself w.
niggas . i likee who i like , and when i do thats who i likee . NOT
saying . i can`t like more than one person , cus i can . i jus choose
to stay loyal . i consider that a good quality bt , sometimes . . . i
really feel likee its not .

im single . & im lonely af . everyone i would kick it w. i can`t , or
don`t want to . i`m not trynaa meet anyone new cus i hatee going thru
that process . bt , maybe that`s all im left withh . if not im just
gonna stayy lonelyy forever .

i just wanna be held . i wanna cuddle . i wanna kiss . i wanna lovee
. i wanna be loveddd . it shouldn`t be this hardd .

i makee things complicatedd for myself . but i guess that just makess me
who i am . & makess me be that unique girl everyone always says is " not
like anyone else " . cus im not afraid to be me . & follow how i feel
.
we all get hurt . thenn get up & tryy againn . ima keep trying til i
can`t try anymoree . . .i haven`t decidedd if thats something to look
forwardd to , or something to be afraid of . time do tell :)

1 comment:

supreme. said...

i digg your page. =]