19.11.09

good things dont last forever .

ever .

i can never seem to enjoy a good moment of happiness for a long time for some reason they seem to some way get interrupted .
i guess this time its my fault .
im stuck in between . . .
btween what i couldnt tell you yet .
they say if yu start looking for something ,
then your bound to find it .
but sometimes its better if it wasnt found .
people call me nosey .
well actually my boyf's , present and previous .
but i dont really think its me being nosey , i just have an obsession with truth .
i have to knowww everything . i never wanna feel as though im not informed .
so i guess if that makes me nosey , then i am .
but you know its not like my "noseyness" is bc im expecting to find anything .
im actually hoping not to . but for some reason i always seem to find something .
then i get mad or hurt ,
and then i regret ever looking .
idk if niggas hidin shit is like regular ? but i fucking haate it .
maybe bc i dont hide anything , idk
but i cant take it back , i cnt take my curiosity .
like they say curiosity killed tha cat .
never a good thing . . . .
either way , i feel regret on both ends .
i wish i never did it . i wish i never seen it .
i feel wrong for looking . bt i did .
what i found makes me not feel so bad .
im speaking about the situation indirectly bc
i dnt even like blasting out my actual business anymore .
i dont want negative advice cus it irritates me .
i justtttt .
im frustrated .
i dont know how to feel about this situation .
its gonna be ugly , and we've been doing so well .
i hate to feel like ima ruin it , but now im disturbed by what ive found and i have to address it .
cus its gonna start to eat away at me .
and its not like it ruined our relationship , [i dont think ]
i still love him the same , still wanna be with him
but im wondering exactly what he has to say and how hes gonna feel about me invading his space .
and i dont even know why i did .
just being curious .
and i fucked myself over twice .
smhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
i swear i wanna fall off the earth .
i just want for everything to come together and work !
thats fucking all !
i dont need anything but love and support .
all of it .
im tired man .
im scared its nt gonna work but im determined .
bc we CAN .
its a matter of us both wanting the same thing .
and sometimes i feel like thts miscommunicated .
i wanna take evrything to heart and believe it ,
then i find shit like what i did . . .
and i dont know what to think .
guess i gotta wait and find out .
be back later .

1 comment:

Qu33n Kam... said...

I did a post a few months ago about me and my then bf and how i was nosy and found something and regretted it becuz of how he started acting afterwards. He wanted me to help him pay a phone bill so he gave me access to his account online and i found out all his my favs were girls 2 #s was his ex girlfriend that he said he hated, myself, and 2 girls i didnt know about. 1 of them he jus recently added a month b4 and another he spoke to for 1735 mins in one month....i confronted him about and he blew it up on me like i was in the wrong and maybe i was but if u ask me to pay a bill ima see wat im paying,, in that situation i felt i had a right to see wat i saw but jus like u i felt i wish i never saw it

i can understand why u feel the way u feel but just imagine how clueless u were b4 u found out the truth,, it was done in a shady way but the truth revealed itself now all u need to do is analyze how important knowing the truth really is to u. U say that it is and now u know. Even tho that situation ended our relationship becuz once i found out he started acting weird as fuck and then his true colors really started to show i hated that my relationship ended becuz of me but then i was glad becuz if i never knew i wud be livng a lie. Idk wat u saw but watever it was it was something u never wud of thought from this guy,, if he is man enuff to tell u now about it regardless of ur feelings but still respect u then he is a stand up guy but also u have to realize u are technnically single so his justification no matter wat will be that. If he doesnt kno u looked keep wat u kno to urself and save it for later he may reveal it to u in another way sometimes we dont always need to reveal wat we kno or find out about our spouse and also dont jump to conclusions without really knowing the whole truth ,, imvery much thats way and im learning how to control it.

Hang in there,,everything that happens whether good or bad is always done for the betterment for u in the long run its hard to beleive in the moment but just let life play itself out. And no more snooping if u cant handle watever u may find out