i can never seem to enjoy a good moment of happiness for a long time for some reason they seem to some way get interrupted .
i guess this time its my fault .
im stuck in between . . .
btween what i couldnt tell you yet .
they say if yu start looking for something ,
then your bound to find it .
but sometimes its better if it wasnt found .
people call me nosey .
well actually my boyf's , present and previous .
but i dont really think its me being nosey , i just have an obsession with truth .
i have to knowww everything . i never wanna feel as though im not informed .
so i guess if that makes me nosey , then i am .
but you know its not like my "noseyness" is bc im expecting to find anything .
im actually hoping not to . but for some reason i always seem to find something .
then i get mad or hurt ,
and then i regret ever looking .
idk if niggas hidin shit is like regular ? but i fucking haate it .
maybe bc i dont hide anything , idk
but i cant take it back , i cnt take my curiosity .
like they say curiosity killed tha cat .
never a good thing . . . .
either way , i feel regret on both ends .
i wish i never did it . i wish i never seen it .
i feel wrong for looking . bt i did .
what i found makes me not feel so bad .
im speaking about the situation indirectly bc
i dnt even like blasting out my actual business anymore .
i dont want negative advice cus it irritates me .
i justtttt .
im frustrated .
i dont know how to feel about this situation .
its gonna be ugly , and we've been doing so well .
i hate to feel like ima ruin it , but now im disturbed by what ive found and i have to address it .
cus its gonna start to eat away at me .
and its not like it ruined our relationship , [i dont think ]
i still love him the same , still wanna be with him
but im wondering exactly what he has to say and how hes gonna feel about me invading his space .
and i dont even know why i did .
just being curious .
and i fucked myself over twice .
i swear i wanna fall off the earth .
i just want for everything to come together and work !
thats fucking all !
i dont need anything but love and support .
all of it .
im tired man .
im scared its nt gonna work but im determined .
bc we CAN .
its a matter of us both wanting the same thing .
and sometimes i feel like thts miscommunicated .
i wanna take evrything to heart and believe it ,
then i find shit like what i did . . .
and i dont know what to think .
guess i gotta wait and find out .
be back later .