I guess its jst me. Nobdys hitttin me bck...maybe cus its saturday. Maybe no one wants to tlk to me. I feel really self destructive. I spent my entire morning figuring out school and my career choices and right now at this moment I dgaf abt any of it. I wanna give up. I wanna close my eyes nd jst nt wake up. I wanna know how I made so many wrong choices tht I ended up like this. So fucked up. I feel like a destroyed masterpiece. I feel so beautiful some days, jst everything I'm supposed to be. Then I have nights like this...in my bed listening to music letting tears fall while I try to write the pain away. They say suicide is selfish. I guess it is. All the things I'm supposed to think abt I don't. I jst think abt nt being miserable anymore. Not dealing with any of this anymOre. Idk if heaven nd hell exist bt I dnt wanna go to hell...I'd rather spend eternity with my loved ones tht aren't Here anymore...so thts another reason. Then I always think of brandon nd how someone took his life. And how he was mad cus I tld him I didn't want mines. I wish I could give mines for his so his daughter could have him back. I'd give my life for that. Bt thts nt really an option. Idk how I became so fkd up...so ready to die. So sensitive.. I dnt wanna be like this. I dnt wanna be on drugs either. I dnt want my pain to be numbed by alcohol. I wish someone warned me young love comes nd goes before I gave it everything and let it. Destroy me. I wish I didn't always fall for the wrong guys and make the dumbest choices. I wish I knew how to let go without needing someone else to distract me. I need help. I wish I could tell my mom that without hurting her. I wish I could be by myself without getting depressed. I wish I could erase myself and start over. Its too late...I'm brokenhearted and emotionally unstable. I wonder how long it'll take to fix myself...
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3 days ago