daaaayyyuuummm .

lol , i haven't blogged in foreveeeer . i know my followers are mad =/
soooo sorry . my tumblr is jst much more carefree , this is sort of more
like myyy venting/ love life crisis diary but i still love it . i misss
you guys so let me catch you up :

so , im finally happy . and it took me to realize it on my own for me to
acknowledge it smfh . i realized happiness is a state of mind ,
something you choose to be not something your born with or something tht
comes to you . all this time i been "looking" for happiness ,
complaining about how im never happy never realizing all i had to do was
choose to be . i KNOOOOOW i KNOOOOOOOW that makes me sound soo stupid
but seriously , if someone ever presented it to me in that way before ,
i woulve got it . i always got tht happiness comes frm within and blah
blah but im thinkin i dont FEEL happy so im not , why come im not
finding it ? no one said oh happiness is a state of mind . lol , that
makes me sound so dumb bc every emotion is a state of mind but happiness
just seems like something more . but oh well , i finally decided to jst
be happy and stop losin everyone with my sadness , so fk all yall tkn
shit lol .

in other news , im still a broke ass strugglin college student , blah !
i have about 5 weeks of skool left . no money for gas , no money for
insurance , and still makin it happen smh . i went to an interview for
applebees AND got called back but NOOOOO , they need daytime ppl and my
skool fkd up my schedule bc i couldn't change it >:o so there went
another job down the drain smh . i cnt wait til summer . i have to find
a job or ima go craaaaazy lol .

i digress , i know yall wonderin abt me & james . ummm , its complex bt
you know what im happy . we go through what we go through , shits fkd up
but at the end of the day , our love doesn't break . our friendship
doesn't break . we fuss , we fight , we leave , we come back , we love .
lol . its crazy but i wouldnt change it for the world bc regardless of
all the bullshit we go through can't nobody put a smile on my face like
he does lol . we can tlk shit to each other and laugh . we can be open
and honest w. each other . we can agree to stp talkin then 5 days later
start back and tlk about how much we missed each other and love each
other . the biggest thing I've learned in this relationship is how
important timing is . it isn't that he doesn't love me bc i know he does
but the timing for our relatonship isn't right . and that's something i
had to understand . its nt that he doesn't wanna bewith me bc he don't
love me , its bc were on two different levels in the relationship . i
can understand that and that's something i have to respect . if its
meant for us to be together , we will be . ill live . i been tlkn to
other niggas bt ill save tht for another day :)

&&btw , if you nt followin or readin "i am tha unpretentious narcissist"
(www.thainfamousnobody.blogspot.com) OMFG followwww ! read ! do somn ,
lol i just started following like last month but the shit he says is so
on point i had to go back and read alllll his old posts . lol . he jst
started following me back 8-) , so if your reading this kudos! and
everything you say is the dead truth cus i can name a whole grip a sht
I've related to my relationship tht yu hit right on head . you really
helped me understand a lot of the shit my ex did and does . you need
your own show lol .bt that's all . i love everybodyyyyy , be back soon .

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