relationships .

so I've been trying to put the understanding of relationships into
perspective . i mean we all have them . most of us want them , most of
us don't . and there's all different kinds . but i can't understand why
it makes such a big difference to be IN a relationship rather than "just
friends" when there's mutual emotions or love . i mean ultimately , a
relationship as in "gf/bf" aint shit but a label . i mean yeaa , it has
certain rules that's supposed to come with tha label like fidelity and
loyalty and trust and understanding . but really what's the difference?
most people just want that feeling of belonging . like when someone asks
"do you have a girl?" they claim you . and it gives you this special
feeling . but when your just friends , tha emotions are still there ,
there jst isn't any obligations . your friends so theirs supposed to be
a certain amount of space and understanding . a non committed commitment
. and although me and him started as friends , when we grew together and
formed an actual commitment i lost all things i knew about "our"
friendship . he's my bestfriend bc i tell him everything and he tells me
everything and im jst me around him and he's the only person that
understands me and genuinely cares abt my well being YET , when it comes
to emotions . . .were still attached like were together . were only
friends right now . but when we talk , it always ends with baby's and i
love yous and deep convos bt i figure that's bc its what were used to .
and i start to wonder if the fact that were not together "in a
relationship" even matter? it didn't change much of anything , with an
exception for "heartbreak" and "hurt" and everything else that's
supposed to come with breaking up . funny thing is , it only hurts when
i think about it . when were together , i don't hurt bc i forget . and
when i do remember we talk about it and he still takes it away .
sometimes i feel like "just friends" is hard on me bc i wanna go back to
being "together" but in reality , we are still together just without the
label . I've been working on subtracting all my emotions frm our
friendship but its hard . he even admitted its hard for him . im just
trying to find that common ground where i don't care that were not in a
relationship bc our relationship exists within our friendship . im not
sure if all the shit i would normally get pissed about in a relationship
should even be worth getting worked up over in a friendship but that's
the emotions makin shit complicated . to be honest i wish i had the
ability to turn off my emotions like a switch bc im overly emotional .
buuuuut i can't so whatever . i figure we need to stop getting so worked
up over labels bc you could be committed in a friendship or cheat in a
relationship . its up to the people . labels just tend to make
unnecessary complications , emotions included . i figured at least when
your in love with your bestfriend , nothing should ever fall apart . but
it does, its human nature . we just have a friendship that has the
ability to live , learn and continue to grow . when most relationships
don't .

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