love is a 4 letter lie .

its funny how when you think your in love . nothing else matters . it
blinds all the shit u don't wanna see . makes yu forgive all the things
yu shouldn't . makes you wanna keep what's no good for you . they say
too much of anything is never good . and i always thought you could
never love too much . never be loved too much . and throughout my last
two relationships where i thought i was in love especially my last one .
when it comes down to the end i don't even know what was real and what
was fake . they say actions speak louder then words . i know this but
instead of knowing i chose to make up excuses for why shit didn't make
sense . i gave him time after time . forgiveness after forgiveness . so
many times to explain his reasons and his actions bc i felt like that's
what you do when your in love . now that i sit here , i feel so fkn
stupid . im mad at myself more then i am at him for letting myself keep
hurting myself . im so mad that i still love him after everything he's
done to me . i fkn hate him . how do u love and hate someone at the same
time ? i hate that i don't feel like i know him anymore . i hate that
all he does is apologize for hurting me and still does it . im mad that
I've been so weak that i couldn't walk away when i know i needed to . im
mad that he made so many promises he didn't keep . i mad that i believed
that love was so strong that it would prevail thru everything . and im
mad that i was wrong . im mad that i still cry about this shit . im mad
that my ♥ still gets crushed over this shit . im mad !!! why am i so
fkn in love with someone that i let myself get broken down so far ? i
know im nt the strongest person behind my skin but damn how did i let
him break me so bad . i shouldn't take it out on love bc of the shit
other people did while they said they loved me . but love don't love
nobody . i don't believe in love anymore at this moment because it
deceived me . he deceived me . idk if it was intentional or not but
does it really matter ? idk why im still fighting for something that
doesn't fight for me . idk why i still want something that doesn't want
me . like how dumb am i . im so smart that im stupid . i dnt let any
nigga i meet play me but when it came to love i crumbled down to nothing
. i blew it when i gave my ♥ away , knowing it might not be returned
the same way . i shoulda took it back when he gave it back the first
time . i passed up so many signs . so many times to turn and walk away
and i DIDN'T ! bc i believed in love . his love . my love . love itself
, and it played me . who do you trust when the person you trusted the
most can't even be trusted ? im done playing tho . there aren't anymore
levels to be defeated . the game is over . . .play a new one .