its over now.

the timing...is wrong.
or we're wrong...for each other.
bt it felt so perfect...maybe i was wrong.
i wanna be friends bt everyday i realize we can't.
im still in love...i wish i knew why.
you disappoint me more than you put smiles on my face now.
i think you jst feel sorry for me now.
you only show me love when your mad at her.
when you don't have an answer to how i feel you jst say "i love you"...
i say it bck bc i mean it bt i don't really believe you anymore.
you dnt show it anymore. i dnt see it anymore. ive seen you love me.
now i watch you love her.
you put her first. your happy w. her. your proud to be w. her.
im jst like a bad memory holding you back.
someone tht can't let go of the past...
still trying to change what can't be changed.
what's already changed bt not to my liking.
consumed in fear...
i can't face heartbreak..face to face..
...so i jst play w. it everyday.
can it get worse?
do tears and pain ever change?
I've felt it all before so why do i choose to deal w. this uncertainty
when i can jst deal w. what i know.
nothing unfamiliar.
what am i holding on to?
better yet what am i running from?
im not satisfied. not happy. im miserable.
i get to feel wht its like to nt be the person that's the object of
someones affection..everyday.
i put up w. this.
its clear i don't love myself enough...im being desperate to be loved by
someone who's nt in love w. me anymore..
its jst nt okay anymore...im gonna go crzy.
i don't deserve this. i don't want this. and i don't need this.


khaki la'docker said...


tha unpretentious narcissist© said...

that's a tough spot to be in. but it's a spot a lot of people find themselves in after a breakup. it's hard to NOT be friends anymore. but it's so hard to be friends when you don't really just want to be friends. then add someone moving on with someone else, when obviously you haven't. it's torture. and it's easy to say..stop torturing yourself..but it's not really a choice. i know.

it's like something pulling you to it. something keeping you there. but i will tell you that it does get easier to distant yourself. it does stop hurting as much. but it takes time. i'm sorry you're going through what you're going through. just hang in there. it will. it does. get better. good luck.