get it together .

i don't understand life .
its not meant to be understood and i realize that but damn.
i really don't understand anything right now .
i need jesus , seriously .
if i picked one word to describe me right now it'd probably be . . .
d a m a g e d .
that's how i feel . like damaged goods , broken .
I've been trying to fix myself bt it takes time .
I've been trying to let go and move on bt i haven't .
im only human .
i have good days and bad ones .
some moments im happy and others im crying .
I've never been this emotional .
i dnt understand why i cry anymore at this point .
i don't understand why i fight for the wrong things .
i don't understand why i can't get a hold of myself .
i don't know where everyone i love went .
i don't know why i feel like ill never find love this good again.
i don't know what i wanna be in life anymore .
i don't know why its so hard for me to find self happiness .
that's something your born with , where is mines?
i can read it . i know and understand i need to have it .
but somethings holding me back .
i wanna love my life .
but i cnt find anything to love about it ...
is that when yu know your having a rough life?
i wish there was a time limit on when the bad ends and the good begins .
at least a date to look forward to .
anything .
im battling myself . i feel like im trapped . im stuck in this place i
dnt wanna be .
i feel like i lost everything . idk how . all i know is i miss what i
had .
i want everything i don't have and have everything i don't want .
ha , that's ironic .
i pray every night . maybe im not praying correct .
or for the right stuff .
am i the only one that feels like this? i can't be .
it has to be another option besides dying .
it has to be something else that makes me happy .
it has to be something to make this pain go away .
something besides drugs and alcohol , im better than that .
im weak but not that dumb .
i gotta figure out a way to get a hold of myself and get it together .
leave what i don't need behind and move forward to what possibly needs
me .
i hope gods backing me up , i need him .
with that said , im going to finish my hair .
goodnight my loves .