love is pain...

you never really understand the true meaning of tht until you experience
a brutal heartbreak. extended regret and tears...i let love ruin
everything. i believed in love. i gave my all to love..i jst wanted love
to love me back. and for awhile love was beautiful. it was
indescribible...it was the best thing that ever happened to me. i met a
boy tht played w. my heart. a habitual liar. a joke. i was ruined from
that day forward and never knew it. then i met Him. he made me laugh, he
had feelings, he was 'real'. he wanted me. he fell in love w. me....i
did what i had to do to love him back. bc he was Real love. not jst a
bunch of bullshit lies...i gave everything. a year passed...things
weren't the same bt i held on to love bc it was "real"...it meant the
world to me..i jst dragged myself thru hell the 2nd year..all i wanted
was our love back....it never came. i let love destroy me. i let love
break me down. i let love fk my head up. i regret holding on, i
should've let go. i regret loving him, i shouldve stopped...bt he "loved
me". i couldnt lose tht. how could i be so stupid. i put myself through
heartache after heartache watching his love for me fade and him give it
to someone else.. now i watch his love for them fade and along w. it
went love in general. now i watch his interest for me fade bc i remind
him of love and he doesn't wanna be bothered w. it...i hate everything.
i hate that life is so fuckd up. i hate that feelings change and others
stay the same. i hate tht i still love him even tho i hate him. i hate
remembering all the things we tlkd abt that never came true. i hate
remembering smiles and laughs tht don't exist the same anymore. i hate
that i stayed bc i never wanted him to feel abandoned...and he left me.
i hate that i put up w. this bc of love. i hate that im affected by
everything tht hurts my feelings. i hate being alive. i hate
remembering. i hate all the promises tht were broken. i hate that i know
nobody will ever love him like i do and he doesn't care or want to keep
that love. i hate remembering when our ily's meant something. i hate
that its almost a year later and im crying and nobdy knows or cares. i
hate watching him like new girls bc it jst reminds me of all the times
he told me he'd come back to me ....and never did. his feelings changed
and mine stayed the same. such a trgedy..i guess that's life when u
gamble w. love...his love that died for someone else , also died for me.
and with that im dying bc i let myself love w. everything i had and now
i cnt get it all back....i let love ruin me. i stayed loyal...i regret
that. i regret loving so hard. i regret not listening. i regret
believing. i regret myself and i resent him.

i wish i could jst have my friend back...its impossible. i watch our
friendship drift farther everyday. i knew it before i tried ...you cnt
be friends w. someone your in love with...i jst wish he never meant the
wrld to me...